Wasn’t as bad as I implied below. Yay for short term memory. Still I just want to lay on the floor and groan. Hour and a half before I leave for a 12 hour shift. 😦

Exam 2 to 4pm today. How am I doing on it?

2025 me here: There was an image here. Lost to time I suppose.

Weeeeeeeeee. TOtally and Utterly exhausted…. At work….. exam tomorrow…. 3 hours sleep since Wednesday night ……was at the library tonight printing the notes for this class at 8 slides per page. There were so many…. they kept printing and printing…. and the longer they printed, the more I wanted to weep. Eyelids sooo heavy, so much coffee… hardly any effect…. I am in such a sorry state right now….. so much more to study. Fall asleep, jerk awake, read a few pages, repeat. I hate this.

Hitting a low point tonight. Burning out…. hopefully I can reignite fairly soon. Toast now though. Adapted from a Marc Maron rant, I like my version better though *ahem*:

I am riding on a Harley-Davidson, 100 Mph on a wind-swept desert flat, all alone. I’ve got a spiky mohawk and face paint, fingerless gloves and my body is covered with crude tatoos, metal studs and a tattered leather jacket. The sun is cold and pale and all around is miles and miles of horizontal emptiness. In the distance, a lone figure appears wearing a long coat of black crow feathers, a necklace of skulls, his face smeared with ash. He says “You’re late! Come with me, everybody’s waiting” We walk together for weeks until we reach a valley. There is an enormous geodisic dome covered in skins. We go inside where 200 beuatiful women from all over the world, all dressed in shredded furs are lounging around. He picks up a huge mallet and smacks a gong. “He’s here!!” he announces and points to me. The women.women squeal and rush towards me. “What’s going on?” I ask, as the women start picking at my clothes. “You and I are the only males left. You have to repopulate the continent, I have to go, besides I scare them, it’s probably the skull necklace.” He stepped outside, flapped his crow feathered coat and flew off. I watched him fade into a small black speck under the steel grey sky. Then I turned back to the dome full of women, hungry to start a new nation, I become calm for the first time in months.. I woke up and my bed was filed with cobalt.

Listening to amazing music right now. Hypnotech 3 is the band I believe. I’ve started to download online streams (CHRW indie programs and Morning Sedition from Air America), save them and then convert them to MP3. Right now I am listening to yesterdays 7am-11am broadcast of CHRW on my diskman. It seems they play the best music when I can’t listen to it. It took a lot of pain and headbanging to get the auto scheduler of this streaming program to work right and find the right conversion programs but I am happy with it now. The new Adbusters seems even more doom and gloom than usual. I wish everyone read it. The $7.95 cover price really hurts though. I need to stop putting off subscribing.

At the store yesterday when I was picking up a package at the post office (Birthday present for Sunday!) I bought 10 hot lips jube-jubes and stuffed all 10 in my mouth at once for the bike ride home. It was a challenge, but I pulled it off, I think I almost choked. My dentist told me I was one of those rare people that has room for their wisdom teeth. I guess I have a large mouth.

No coffee today yet…. I’ve been kind of floating around in a dreamlike state. Worries and anxiety aren’t as sharp. Small headache is gathering steam. It has to be withdrawal because I don’t think I had one yesterday either. Brain want it. Brain need it. I will give in a little later. Now that I have sat down and thunk about my day a little and all the stuff I have to get done, I am starting to panic. Easy easy. I had a Jones soda today, bubblegum flavour. And I bought the new Adbusters mag! Yaa. The shopkeep, a girl working at the campus variety store, the pit stop, looked at it with a perplexed look on her face. Maybe because it was printed on recycled paper and wasn’t glossy and shiny like all the other mags they hoc. I was hoping she would ask me about it so I could make some nasty little cutting remark like “I can tell by looking at you that you have never read it.” She was a bottle blonde, cute and fashionable like most of the girls on campus but probably stuck in her little bubble world where her only worries are looking good for class and who and where to go out on the weekend to get drunk and fucked by an equally phony superficial male.

2025 me here: There was likely an image of Simon John Charles Le Bon here. Replacing the broken link with a craptastic AI image. 

Wow, the lead singer of Duran Duran looks fat (Tonight Show), I see the future of (insert name of sexy young rock star here). I have a hard time sleeping on Tuesday nights since I have to adjust from working nights to 3 days off and sleeping at night. So I will probably watch Conan, at least until after the first guest. Dentist appointment tomorrow morning. He makes me pay up front, I don’t think that’s normal. I really hope I don’t need a root canal. What a boring post. My heart wasn’t in it. Apologies to anyone who read it.

Slept right through all my classes today. Something had to give, I am not a robot. I have a pretty nasty headache right now too, took advil but I can still feel it. The only forum I post at with any regularity is down, Animetric Forum. Too bad, I wanted to look at it right now. I feel like getting into really warm loose comfortable clothes, having hot chocolate and curling into a comfortable ball in my bowl chair to watch anime. Kino’s Travels would be perfect, nothing loud. Something quieter and introspective.

2025 me here: Looks like the Animetric forum is gone. The owner moved to Animetric.net, but looks like it’s a beauty and K-drama blog now

4:50am woooooooooo (you see.. because yesterday I said, ….ah nevermind.) Today is going to be fun in a terrible, I’m killing myself kind of way. I really should ask for a schedule change here at work, being here all night then going to lecture and getting assignments done all day can’t be healthy. Sleep is the new sex. I stole that from someone. I understand it though. Ever since Christopher Reeve died, I have had that one Superman song playing over and over in my head. The one where it’s …*ahem* Dun dun da dedun….. dun dun dun. Dun dun du da dun, Dun DA DUN!  then and it kind of repeats and goes soft and comes back strong and ….. well you know, or maybe not. I’m tired, leave me alone.

5:19am weeeeeeee. At work, tired yet not tired. Seeing things. I get off in an hour and 10 minutes. I like how it is still dark when I go home now. I am actually able to get to sleep while it is still dark out. If I get home and the sun is up, I am more likely to eat, kill time, play on the computer, etc until I collapse of exhaustion. I just noticed on the security camera, I am not seeing things, it is just rain. When a droplet is filmed at a precise moment, it fills the whole camera screen and can look like a spooky white ghost. Hmmmmm I’ve lost interest in this post fairly quickly, just found something else very interesting…..

2025 me here: There was an image here, no idea what it was.

Yawn yawn yawn. Just woke up, making another honey coffee, cooking breakfast. Read my subscriptions, one of them bummed me out a little but it was good. It’s so cold out today. I haven’t watched any anime for quite a while, I would like to get back into Kino’s Travels. Oh, at an HMV yesterday I was looking at DVDs. I have had my player for 10 months and haven’t bought one yet, I was there looking for a gift though. When I saw the prices, I now know why I don’t have one yet, I need to pay my rent! The Last Exile DVD was $49.99, one cent away from $50! That is for only 4 episodes, approximately 90 minutes. The whole series is 26 episodes… so 7*$50 = $350 for the whole series? No thanks. No wonder anime is so heavily traded online, I get it now. Those DVD discs and case are probably manufactured for about a dollar each and they want $50 for one? What justifies a 4900% markup? It is just ridiculous. I would pay in the $5 to $15 range. I always thought music CDs over $10 were too much. All right, shutting down this rant. I guess I should do laundry or something. This coffee is gross, needs more honey.

What a long, brutal day. I felt so good this morning too. Amazing even. Walking out of my apartment on the way to class, I felt like the spotlight was shining on me and the world existed just to contain my sparkling presence. After the caffeine high subsided, and four hours straight of computer science lecture, I was pretty run down. I went to a campus bar (the Spoke) and ate a nice greasy lunch of a CLT and fries. They had a Simpsons DVD episode playing on the big screen. Kamp Krusty! A Klassic! It just started as I ordered my food too, and just ended as I finished my last fry. Perfect! The highlight of my day. I listened to a few indie rock albums today, Stars, Laurel Music and Elliot Smith (a little whiny for me but still ok.) and also Good Charlotte, as mainstream as they come. I don’t care, it put me into a good mood. Oh yea, some of the Kill Bill vol 1 soundtrack on the way home from campus when I was burned out from coding. I forgot to get sugar when I was at the grocery store. I actually put honey in my last cup (not that bad). I meant to steal a bunch of packets when I was on campus but I forgot to do that too, I am in burnout mode. I also noticed that flash movie I linked to below changes! Only someone who watches it over and over again would notice something like that……

Ran out of sugar this morning… I need more….. I am a total sugar/coffee/chocolate junkie. Yesterday was bad. I ate two 75g Coffee Crisps back to back last night. So unhealthy but soooo good. When I am exhausted I just don’t care. I feel like I am rising from an inferno of an airplane crash site, charred and burned, flames in the background, grim, determined look on my face, ready to plow on. I absolutely killed myself to get my last two assignments in. Now a bunch more are on the horizon. I have let a few other aspects of my life fall behind. Going to have to try and patch some of them up starting in a few hours…. A fun, crazy diversion (this came from a mind working on a same wavelength as mine. I belly laughed at the Saskatchewan part.)

2025 me here: I can’t believe that link still worked in 2025. I downloaded the flash video for posterity.

Eating my vector bar breakfast, hair wet and drying.. I have been listening to the Stars – Set Yourself On Fire album. It’s great! I love it. I have to remember that it’s bad to stray from indie artists, it’s where the originality and innovation is. Seek it out. Indie Torrents Don’t worry, they only share RIAA safe indie music. On the debate last night, I thought Kerry absolutely trounced Bush. It was a massacre. I really don’t understand how this election can be so close. It makes me question reality (I am serious). I wonder if someone is playing a huge joke on me. It’s because Bush is so clearly backwards and incompetent, it is like he occupies the wrong position on EVERY single issue. He is ruining the country, pulling it down towards collapse… yet…. he is even with Kerry in the polls. OK THE JOKES OVER!! I’ve figured it out!!! Lift the curtain. It is just too ridiculous. It is just too bizarre. I’m going to have a good laugh with or at whoever is orchastrating this little play once the truth comes to light.