I think intelligence is as much in the eye of the beholder as beauty is.

I lost my glasses yesterday somewhere downtown in Boston. Probably the drug store.

Iron Man was my favorite comic growing up. I spent so much of my paper route money on it. There are over 200 Iron Man issues in a big rubbermaid container in the basement of my mom’s house. He was my superhero. I never align with the front runner, the popular choice. The shadow’s more attractive than the spotlight. The movie was well done. I snuck into Speed Racer after. It wasn’t well done.

my computer overheated and burned out. It’s quiet now . Better now. Little wireless Device. Red cup of licorice tea. My little notebooks all fill up with my fleeting thoughts. I love the voice in those notebooks. He’s hopeful, optimistic, bright. Time is moving too fast. This more than anything else lately makes me feel sad.

Time is flying.

Sometimes I can find moments where everything slows down. This morning I was sitting alone on the cold porch after a long run along the Charles river. My body rapidly decelerating in early morning silence. Enjoying the natural high. Only 10 minutes but wonderful. That feeling is the antithesis of the one I get sitting at my computer.

But then I get reflective.

I’ve dated four women post-******. Crystal. Rachel. Mary. Ashley. and soon Amy.

Crystal the programmer. I was nervous and am sure I didn’t come off well. She was so amped up and I wasn’t ready for it. One date and that was it. She was a video game nerd. I’ll ask to play Spore with her when it comes out later this year.

Rachel the social worker. Rachel really liked me. It’s too bad I didn’t feel it back. Two dates and that was it.

Mary the lawyer. Our first date went well enough, my inexperience showed though. I didn’t realize the impact a martini and Manhattan would have on me. Still we tried to plan a second but it fell through. Her schedule seems insane.

Ashley the advertiser. This is the first one I didn’t put much effort into. I was extremely scruffy. Actually it goes beyond scruffy. I had a godawful scraggly terrorist beard. I wore a crazy looking dark green hoodie adorned with strange forest creatures, and I took her to an Indian buffet. hahaha. ahhhh. What is wrong with me? I don’t think there’s going to be a second with Ashley.

Hopefully Monday with Amy goes better.

I’m terrible at this.

I’m having a hard time adjusting to being single.

My roommate went back home for a week. I am alone in our apartment for the first time tonight.

This breakup is changing my perspectives.

I feel drunk. I feel restless. I feel my motivation to write here slip away as I can’t articulate the way that I wish I could.

I wish I had someone to sleep in my bed with me tonight.

I’ve had one date post-big breakup.

Coffee shop after work.

She was cute, a little short with very high energy. She talked in a fast, and booming voice.

I couldn’t keep pace. I’m too low key. I didn’t offer enough interesting conversation. It went on too long, over two hours.

I didn’t do anything to bring us together. Maybe I wasn’t really interested. Too passive.

It takes time to get to know me… how am I supposed to get past the first date?

I am so incredibly rusty. Maybe it was always rust.

I’m trying again this week with someone else.

I finished a novel that I loved this afternoon. Gun, with occasional music by Jonathan Lethem.

I felt bittersweet after reading the last page. That’s an indication that it was right up my alley. I didn’t want to let go of the protagonist, the world, the story.

It had animals fast-evolved to have IQs near human levels, filling menial jobs. Drugs were commonplace with specific effects. Forgettol, Acceptol, Addictol. Everone had karma levels that were monitored. It was sci fi but didn’t feel like it. It just a detective story set in the future. Gritty and vibrant. I loved it.

I had a hard conversation with ****** on the phone today. Ending this relationship is incredibly painful.

Hi fellow Canadian! It’s really amazing how many Canadians chose to live in Boston 🙂

I am totally up for getting together, but I usually don’t have enough time to take a lunch at work. I work at a tech company and it’s pretty tight with getting everything you need to get done in a day done. Not that I am a workaholic, it’s that if I take lunch then I end up leaving work way too late 😉

Did you want to maybe meet up for a coffee after work or something? That might be a bit easier. I don’t think I have anything going on on Wednesday if that works for you.

– Crystal

All right Crystal, that’s great!

Wednesday after work is a pretty good time for me. My night classes are on Tuesdays. I just liked the lunch idea because I try to find excuses to have Indian lunch buffet. 🙂

I work on campus at MIT technology square, in between Kendall and Central square. There are about a billion coffee shops in the area. I’ve only been working in Cambridge for about three months though, so maybe you have a better idea of where to try. I have a flexible schedule, an ancient car and knowledge of how to use the T, so I don’t mind coming to a place more convenient for you? Hope to see you soon,
*****

(1) 8:30am, sitting glumly before a company presentation, turning to a coworker, “So how are the mice doing?” “We’ve only got one good male. I’ve been rotating him with fifteen females.” “Lucky guy.” “No kidding.”

(2) 9:15am in the lab talking with Dave, a senior scientist when Rehka, a cute and smiley lab technician pops up and asks, “so are you free today?” Dave, “What? Are you asking him out? Haha should I leave?” Rehka smiles and turns away with unmistakable body language.

(3) Late afternoon, chit chatting with a temp who works in the lab and plays semi-pro football on the side. Receive an invite to his football team booze cruise. The unlikeliness meter rockets off the scale due to obvious personality mismatch, and potential for unintentional comedy.

(4) After work, at grocery store before night class. Trader Joe’s, natural and organic shopping. Motown on the speakers makes me smile. Eye contact with apple lady. Innocent smile lewdly returned with a head to toe look. Left feeling like vulnerable school boy. Proceeding on to get my spinach, James Brown starts playing. Young woman blurts out, “Gettin funky now.” Starts almost-dancing and smiles. Another stupid grin on face, another returned smile near the wine. Checking out. The name tag says Aly. She’s nerdy and cute. ID’d for the wine! Whip out the beautiful Ontario license. Flirty conversation precipitated.

(5) At night class. About to be split into groups that are stuck with each other for the next 12 weeks or so. Names are put on the overhead. Walk over to my team table near the front of the class. Six women sit down around me. Well dressed, professional, scientific, intelligent, and very attractive .Turn and look around at the rest of the class. All the other groups are mostly male. Turn back, make eye contact with the TA. She smiles and shrugs. Give out cute minicards that have beautiful wildlife pictures completely taking up on side, contact info on the other side. Agree to weekly meetings in Cambridge. Prof says, “Ok, now let’s take group pictures. Group one, come on.”

Can’t wait to see the expression on my face in that picture.

It’s a string of events like this that make it hard to remain a firm agnostic. I imagine a dialogue between benevolent but mischievous entities along the lines of: “Hey look what’s going on with *****! He FINALLY broke up with ******!!” “But he’s not doing anything to meet anyone new!” “Hey, yeah! He definitely needs a push!” “Let’s hit him so that he’s got enough to suspect something is going on, but just not enough to believe that it couldn’t be due to coincidence.” “Hahahaha. yes! This’ll be a blast! I love the way this guy reacts to this stuff.”

It was only with end of the day hindsight that I saw all the little threads wind together at the end of an exhausting Tuesday. Seemingly minor events seemed so significant. This happens too often! It ties me in knots and makes me giddy. I apologize if I’m throwing extra meaning into the mundane.