I find the girl on the cover of the new Adbusters magazine to be very attractive. The format of this months magazine is a half and half split like they do to Mangas sometimes. Flipping it upside down is like switching to a whole different magazine. Half of the pages are oriented one way, the other half are inverted the other way, so it is like two separate magazines with two different covers meeting in the center. On the back cover is a young guy looking out the window of an old retro school bus with dull orange bench seats and that typical grey-green school bus interior paint. The day is sunny and the cover is bright. On the front cover is a young woman with dark hair and long black bangs almost in her eyes riding in the interior of a very plush looking bus. She has her knees up on the seat in front of her and a cell phone in her hand. It is much darker. Both people are sitting alone and gazing out the window, eyes glazed, lost in thought. I think the guy represents a slower paced natural life, family based, globally aware etc. He is the good one.  The dark girl represents the modern kid, TV reared, consumer oriented and all the other things Adbusters pounds on monthly. They should have chosen a different representative though. She’s looks too cute and intelligent for the dark side. Maybe I’m just a sucker for that spaced-out, introspective look. I’m probably missing the point, I haven’t started to read it yet, just a quick skim.

In regards to The Chocolate Cat Caper, I was being a sarcastic ass. Which never comes out well in writing because no one gets to see the mischievous grin and slyly cocked eyebrow. If I inspired anyone to actually pick it up, I offer my deep and solemn apology. It is the worst book I’ve ever attempted to read. Have you ever picked up a book that was written so terribly that it blows your mind? A book you can’t believe actually made it through a publishing house and was sold in bookstores. A book so bad that you think, I could pull something better than this out of my untalented, inexperienced ass. *sigh* Again with the ass.

There is a small library at my workplace that I occasionally take books from. Pickings are slim, it’s clearly a collection of castaways from the residents. There are some occasional good ones though. Puzo’s The Godfather. Billy Bathgate. The Romantic by Barbara Gowdy. Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt. The Stephen King, John Grisham and Ken Follet stuff are quick and fun reads too though. Anyway, a while back I grabbed The Chocolate Cat Caper. I like Chocolate. I like cats. And who doesn’t love a good caper, right? So I stuck it out for a few chapters. I can’t exactly remember what I found so infuriating about it but I do recall that the vocabulary was simplistic and unbelievable, the dialogue was awkward and worst of all, it was boring. Just plain all-around bad writing.

But you know what? It was probably published because there is a market for Chocolate Cat Capers. Out of the hundreds of books there I actually picked it up and I seriously doubt I’m the target demographic. In our library, it was sitting on the shelf next to a book about a detective cat who solves crime. People love books with anthropomorphic cats.

You know I think my Xanga page jumped the shark with my owl post. Lately I haven’t been feeling all that into it. It’s because of the summer weather. You know what I thought when I saw the crowds of people outside the Michael Jackson trial a week or two ago? Nothing really deep about MJ, more along the lines of, “Whoa, look at how many overweight and obese people there are there! How could people living in a warm climate like California let themselves go like that?”. The perspective of a northern Canadian I suppose. You’ve got seize the two weeks of summer with gusto while it’s here! Get outside, run around, do stuff. and so forth. I’ve been making any little excuse to get outside as much as possible. My farmer’s tan is quite prominent.

My apartment is getting so messy because it’s too hot to move around much. I’ve just been throwing stuff anywhere. My bowl chair is half full of clothes. My plants are looking grim. Ehhh I guess it’s not that messy. Summer laziness.

You know what’s a good movie? War of the Roses. This is probably a top ten favorite movie of all-time and a top five comedy. Except I don’t really regard it as a comedy, more as a prophetic vision of what my future in 20 years will be like if I stay with Merle. There is no way that we will quietly go our separate ways. The only way our relationship can end will be in an earth-shaking, cataclysmic event, scorching the earth and leaving a big ugly crater. Merle, who is terrified that I’ll move to Thunder Bay and has offered to pay my rent in her parents house if I move to Boston in September. And I’m considering it because I know I would land a job there and I like Boston. But Merle would have me and I would be perpetually uncomfortable in that house. Her family likes me but is starting to get annoyed that I haven’t proposed yet. I know because her dad wants to give me the “why haven’t you married my daughter yet speech”. So, I would have that to look forward to. They’ll try and teach me French too because, “A Canadian who can’t speak French, such a shame.” Bleah. This was so much more articulate in my head. What right do I have to criticize Joanna Carl.

No time for Xanga posting today because I’m enjoying my book way too much.

I think I got him. Not so sure though. I don’t know what’s sadder, a movie starring that guy or the fact that I went out of my to take his picture.

2025 me here: Looks like I didn’t do a great job saving my photos from pre-2011. Too bad. I forgot I took a stealth, grainy photo of this on my way to work.

Ehhh. I feel about as enthusiastic as a dust bunny. Which is what the first thing I saw to complete my simile as my head slowly lolled over onto my shoulder.  Bleah. The naming of the owl? What was the Owl’s name in the Secret of NIMH. let me look it up. It’s just the great owl. Well that doesn’t work. umm. How about the Owl in ahhh what other movie is an owl in? I’m not using Hedwick. Archimedes? From the Sword in the Stone. mmm. too many syllables. Maybe a Greek name. Or an Egyptian name. Horace. My owls name is Horace. There. Done. Horace the eater of pigeons.

My day was spent doing two things. (1) Playing Grand Theft Auto San Andreas (2) Sending out resumes and cover letters.  Yup. Pretty lame. Lame day, lame post. I’m stagnating.

All right. Enough of the random image posts, my apologies.

I graduated Thursday during an afternoon ceremony. Merle, my parents and grandmother attended. Food was eaten. Alcohol was drunk. Gifts were given. A million pictures were taken. A good time was had by all. That glossed over a lot but yeah. Hooray for me, I’m no longer a student, just an boneless mass of graduate goo. Lately, it has been hard to keep panic from creeping in over my job situation. I haven’t heard back from any companies yet and my semi-self-imposed deadline to find a job of August 30th is closing in. But that is boring and worrisome and always on my mind. So something else.

Today, as I was skating through campus on my way to work, I noticed a big row of trucks and trailers lined up beside the Physics and Astronomy building. People with plastic I.D. cards were scurrying about, crowds of people were standing around, and there were uniformed officers beside the Natural Science building, guarding it apparently.

So I was skating on the sidewalk, past the row of trailers, moving pretty fast and dodging little stands and equipment when a woman with an I.D. card around her neck jumped in front of me, barring the way. She announced importantly, “You can’t go this way, we’re filming a MOVIE.” She said movie just like that too, all in caps. So I said, “OK”, and started to head around the area where I thought they were filming. She chased me down to say, “No. You can’t go that way either.” So I backtrack a little and try to go down another road. I’m grabbed by another handler and she makes a crowd of us lowly academics wait until the director is done yelling stuff before we can move through our campus. What a pain in the ass.

So, I make it in to work and check with excitement to see what big movie stars are in the film. The big name? Zachery Ty Bryan. Who the hell is that? 

Yeah, him. Brad from Home Improvement. What a fucking disappointment. Held up for a movie starring Tim Taylor’s oldest son and that hideous mushroom hair. 

So they’re trying to make UWO look like WestPoint Academy. Well, I’m off tomorrow with nothing better to do and it just so happens I got a spiffy new high tech digital camera as one of my graduation gifts so… Maybe I can sell some Zach pics to Teen Beat or something. (Or at least post and make fun of them here.)

2025 me here: I removed a couple missing pictures and broken links. Pretty sure this movie was 2005’s Code Breakers about a Football cheating scandal at WestPoint Academy.

2025 me here: There was a missing picture link here. Maybe a reference to the original Fly movie?

Help Meee! Help Meeeeeeeeee!

Since I’m going to have visitors for my graduation this week and we might want to use my balcony, I decided to reclaim it from the pigeons.

Last summer they laid eggs in my plants and since everyone should leave as small an ecological footprint as possible, I let the pigeons do their thing, nest building, egg sitting and young raising. But now I’ve had enough. It’s my balcony, not theirs. I’m tired of the cooing and sexual moaning at 6am and the covering of everything with unhealthy excrement. They’ve got to go.

So, after scaring away three pigeons with angry yelling and arm flailing, I surveyed the situation and was thoroughly disgusted. There were dried streaks of white shit on everything. I grabbed some garbage bags and threw out all my old plant paraphernalia, soil, pots, tinfoil pans etc. Then I cleaned and brought the stuff that I wanted to keep inside. Then I swept for a good hour, ruining my broom and getting a blister in the process. I noticed the pigeons were watching me work from the roof about twenty feet away. After I finished sweeping, I went inside to fill a bucket with hot water and Mr. Clean. When I returned, two of the pigeons were back, perched on the railing. So, I nonchalantly grabbed the broom and slowly inched over towards them without making eye contact. When I figured I was within striking distance, I jabbed the broom handle at them with a lightning quick stab, YAA!  They’re lucky I was just trying to scare them away and not kill them because I hit the rail with a loud crack before they were able to scramble and take off. So then I mopped the deck, the walls, everything. No more guano. It took another hour, now it’s clean and beautiful out there.

Now I want it to stay nice and clean of course and on this subject I received some sage wisdom from Charles Bronson. (2025 me here: Wish I remembered the missing quote. I still remember how gross that balcony was though). Sorry, Chuck that’s a little too nutty and violent for me. So, I traveled to Canadian Tire to buy a hunting owl decoy to scare them away. They didn’t have any so I ended up getting a more cartoony looking garden owl. I asked the cashier if she thought it would scare away the pigeons, she just laughed. No help there. I got a second opinion while riding in the elevator with some guy I’ve never seen before. I took the owl out of my packsack, shook it at him menacingly, and asked if he thought it would work. He laughed too and thinks no, that it’s not realistic enough looking. Well we’ll see.

You’re supposed to fill it with sand but I used pennies instead. Then I built a rudimentary four foot perch for him. I figure he needs a name. Something that captures his determination to grimly supervise my balcony with his wise, unblinking, malice filled eyes. Deathwatch? I’m not too happy with that, I think I’m ripping off a Marvel character. Oh well. Name suggestions are welcome.

Before I placed him out there, I made sure the pigeons weren’t looking because I don’t want them to see me handling him. Then I snuck him out there. And you know what? It works! I saw a pigeon come swooping in on an angle towards my balcony, he was about ten feet away and then panicked in midair, flapping furiously to perform an awkward reversal and fly back to where he came from! It was hilarious! One of the most satisfying things I’ve ever seen. Two more pigeons followed and they both bailed too, pulling up and heading for the tenth floor instead! And they’re staying away! Haha!!!

fear me

2025 me here: there was a broken link here. It might have been a pic of me and the the glorious owl.

I had a little odyssey tonight. Hopefully I can convey some of the unembellished ridiculousness of it.

So, I’m still on nightshifts and didn’t sleep very well today. Maybe four hours. Once up, I skated an errand downtown to the passport office. I forgot my birth certificate at home and the trip accomplished nothing. It was still enjoyable though. The sun was warm and my skating is improving. None of this is really relevant to my little adventure, I’m just making the point that I was already fairly tired before the fun started.

8:45pm: Left the apartment for a 45 minute run before my 10:30 nightshift. It went exceedingly well, it turns out this was my fastest run of the year so far. I really went all out and it was very satisfying. I would probably be in amazing shape if I didn’t have three donuts and a coffee that’s 1/3 sugar for breakfast everyday.

9:30pm: The run’s done and I’m back at my apartment door, sweating heavy and I can’t find my key. A sinking feeling settles in as I realize it must have fallen out of the little pocket inside my gym shorts somewhere on my route. Maybe somewhere on the grass, or maybe I didn’t hear it clang on the sidewalk because I listen to music while running. But, since I live on campus and students lose their keys all the time, there is a 24 hour housing office that holds back up keys. My building, Bayfield hall, is on the northwestern most tip of campus. Defying all logic, the backup keys are kept at Alumni house, at the southeastern end of campus. My blood was still pumping and I felt pretty good so I figured I still could run there in 10 minutes, get the keys, run back in another 10, and still maybe make it to work on time. And off I went.

9:45pm: I’m at Alumni house near the eastern gates of the University. There’s a notice on the glass double doors, “Closed May 1st to Aug 31st. See personnel at Delaware hall.” All right. Delaware is in the middle of campus so that’s not so bad, approximately a seven minute run back in the direction I just came. I put on the new Common album for a smooth and mellow flow while off I go.

9:51pm: At Delaware hall, sweating and panting profusely. I smile at the older gentleman at the desk, “Hi, I live at Bayfield and lost my keys.” “Ohhhhhhh. Ummmm. This is my first day here. Gimmie a minute, I don’t know where anything is.” So he looks around absentmindedly. I tell him to take his time even though I’ve really got to hustle. He makes a call, it gets forwarded back to his own phone. He calls someone else, gets an after hours recording. He calls another clerk at Essex hall, “Oh! so that’s why I can’t find them. We’ll then I’ve got some business I’m going to send over to you, but don’t worry, he’s cute.” Essex! That’s right across the street from Alumni house. I just came from that area. Off I go again.

10:10pm: I get to Essex…. Wha… Hey! this isn’t Essex! It’s Elgin hall! NOOOOOOOO! I NEED ESSEX NOT ELGIN!! So, I just ran in the opposite direction to the wrong building. Essex is at least a good ten minute (uphill) run to the southwest end of campus. So back I go, over the Thames river bridge and through swarms of gnats for the fifth (but not final) time that day.

10:25pm: I get to Essex hall, flash my cute smile at the desk clerk. She chuckles and knows it’s me. I get the back-up keys and north to Bayfield I run.

10:40pm: Riding in the elevator up to my apartment, dead tired and burned out, knowing I’m going to be at least forty minutes late for work. But wait! Here’s the cherry on the pie! It was at this moment, riding in the elevator, a beaten man and utterly exhausted, that my apartment key chose to shake loose of my gym shorts and fall onto the floor directly in front of me. The very key I just toured the University trying to replace! And it’s here that I envision the gods, mugs of nectar in hand, slapping each other on the back, pointing down at me and laughing.

So yeah, I got into my apartment, called work and apologized, drank a couple gallons of water, quick shower, no time for a shave or to make coffee and a sandwich, strapped on the inline skates for one more trip through campus and got to work 40 minutes late. The End.

Does everybody like the new radically redesigned banner? Note the subtly coordinated array of scribble colours. Pretty slick huh? Also, after spending so much time out skating in the sunshine lately, I decided my page looked too dark and changed that too.

It has been hot lately. For the past few nights at work, I’ve been sitting outside enjoying the warmth. I sit outside in the courtyard and listen to University lecture series recordings in mp3 format. Philosophy is excellent on warm summer nights after 1am. Listening to music is ok too, except when I listen in the dark, alone, under the stars, it triggers a different sort of response. The kind of response I’m not looking for. Early morning summer hours are perfect for digesting philosophy, history, mythology or psychology though. They help fight off the stagnation I’ve been feeling lately. They reduce the guilt I feel for not aggressively hunting for a career or contacts. Or for not working on independent programming projects. etc. etc. They help in that, I at least feel I’m improving in some way. That the day wasn’t a waste… But it wouldn’t have been anyway. I skated under a hot sun for over an hour. Had good conversation with some friends. Cooked and ate some yummy food. etc. etc. Things are good. Life is good. I just need relax and reflect a little I guess. I’m going back outside.

So I’m on polite speaking terms with a man who is threatening to bring the whole Canadian government down.

If you want to chart my odyessy, or if that made no sense whatsoever, here’s a map.

Peer to Peer web hosting.

2025 me here: I have no idea what that link was or what this post was about.