Insomnia day 3. In the same hotel room. I took sleeping pills tonight. They kicked in around 9:30 pm and I tried to sleep. It was fitful. Tossing, turning, in and out. Sometimes the universe just works against you. In the room next to ours is a lady who keeps coughing constantly. Now I’m up at 3am and I know I didn’t get enough sleep.

Today is supposed to be a fun day too. New home walkthrough, bank draft and lawyers, picking out paint colours, dinner at my parents.

Let’s try to relax. My usual trick is to imagine myself floating through the black, empty, expanse of space. That’s usually enough of a shift away from reality that gentle slumber follows. Instead I’m an overheated insomniac.

This isn’t fun writing. Let’s change the topic from my unshrinking brain (your brain shrinks when you sleep you know – it lets the CNS fluid more fully fill your head, washing away the biological waste products of the day.) Missing sleep is so bad for us.

Social media has exploded with the debate of who would win in a fight. 100 unarmed men or one silverback gorilla.

Now, a gorilla is a seemingly unstoppable foe. 400-450lbs of dense muscle. Strength to bench press over 2000lbs. 2-inch canine teeth for biting, crushing and ripping in a mouth capable of 1300 psi of force. Incredible sprinting speed, can fight with both arms and legs. A devastating opponent in every way.

For the fight, the details matter. If the men were randomly selected from around the planet, Gorilla wins. There would be language barriers, low team cohesion and confidence. Many of the men will be old and/or weak. No contest. Gorilla. Absolute nightmare carnage.

But, if you are allowed to select the men, now we’re talking. Challenge accepted.

For team selection I want a large contingent of beefy tanks. I’m thinking huge guys that compete in international strongman competitions. These guys would be supplemented with monster NFL pro bowl linemen. The guy who played the mountain on game of thrones would be squad leader of the tanks. This will comprise about half the team. Humanity’s best representation of brute strength.

Now I need guys who specialize in unarmed damage. These will be the mixed martial arts guys. Men that can kick, knee, punch and elbow hard. Speed and damage. They can grapple. We’ll stick to the Heavyweight division. This will form the other half of the team.

I will reserve one spot for a field general or team captain. He’s going to need charisma, because I want him giving an amped up William Wallace Braveheart hype speech before the battle. “We fight together, we survive together!” That kind of thing. Adrenaline flowing, get the people going.

Initially the men fight like a wolfpack. Whenever the gorilla is hurting a man, we rush him from behind to try and distract, damage and rescue. 360 degrees of attack. Flying drop kick to the spine that sort of thing.

If this isn’t working, we swarm the fucker. This isnt a bad king-fu movie. We attack simultaneously. Team members will be assigned different parts of the gorilla beforehand. They try to grab ahold of each limb. The biggest guys establish a headlock. Tie him up to facilitate damage.

Now, the MMA guys start sending flying knees and elbows at the face, stomping, kicking. We’re going to break those teeth. Compromise the gorilla’s weapons.

Our secret weapon is the testicle team. Their only job is to grab and rip those gorilla balls off. This is a fatal blow. It will die through hemorrhaging, but will take some time. It guarantees at least a tie.

But I think the men win. Communication, planning, cohesiveness and courage are absolutely required, but we could do it.

Time to try and sleep again.