The Ringer

This entry brought to you by caffeine fueled insomnia. That old familiar somatic state. It’s 12:34am. Dark. Quiet. The planets are aligned for a real throwback blog entry. So much of what’s written here has been forged under similar conditions. The only thing missing is an impending exam, the perfect trigger to procrastinate through inwardly focused writing. These college kids nowadays have no idea. There was no AI back in my day. I had to stumble through all my school shit with pure chemical fueled panic and moxy. I shake my metaphorical cane!

Last week my mom convinced me and Claw to go out for trivia at a local dive bar. This is a neighbourhood bar that I have always known existed, but never actually been to (I left for school far away from my hometown at 18 years old). It’s a place my parents would go to have a good time on Halloween (in costume). Meanwhile, I would be done trick or treating and settling into a rented horror movie on VHS and consuming a completely unreasonable amount of glorious 1980s candy.

The occasion for bar trivia was my mom’s birthday. We had a nice meal, cake and gift giving at her place, then headed to the bar. My dad, aunt, cousin and his girlfriend also came. My mom had three friends meet us at the bar, so we got a big table and settled in as a formidable group of ten. The bar had a good vibe. Completely unpretentious and come as you are. T.Bay is a blue collar city, and this was certainly a blue collar bar. When I wanted a beer, they didn’t have a stout or a cream ale (and I felt kind of like an ass asking for one). No fancy imported Guinness here. It felt like an American townie bar, but Canadian. So there was a unexpected friendliness. It’s probably not fair to generalize American bars like that. I’m likely tainted by living in Boston from 2005 to 2025. Walking into a Boston dive bar where your face isn’t known generally elicits an epic level of frosty indifference from the patronage. I’m sure there are many welcoming, positive vibe dive bars in the USA. You just have to leave Massachusetts to find them.

So we’re at the bar for trivia. My mom’s friends all work at a local catholic elementary school, either as teachers or administrators. They’re all 50-60ish ladies, and they all know exactly how many days until their respective retirement dates. Tough, no nonsense ladies all set to blow off some steam. Trivia is a regular weekly occurrence for them. They told me their goal was to get third place. They’ve never done that well, but thought they had a chance with us there. My guess is that my mom had hyped us up ahead of time. The trivia had apparently been dominated by two other teams for 5 weeks straight. The top team was from a well known suburb of the city, that has a funny sounding name. It made me legitimately laugh every time my mom’s friends complained about them, saying their ridiculous town name scornfully. These ladies clearly craved victory and could feel this might be the night with ringers in the house.

The trivia was a name-that-tune competition. The MC would play snippets of a song, 20 second or so, then we would write the artist and song name down if someone on the team knew it. No phones. Anyone caught using an app or even playing on their phone would result in disqualification.

We had a strong team for this. The 70s and 80s were covered well by the school ladies and my parents, young boomers. My aunt covered the old side of Gen X. Claw and I covered the young Gen X – old Millennial era. My younger cousin and his gf could cover garbage (sorry) Gen Z music. I would say my wheelhouse is music from ahhh about 1993 – 2010. That’s really where I was deep into exploring new music with a strong awareness of pop music. The evidence is all over old entries in this blog. I love music. Even outside of my wheelhouse, I’m not awful. Pretty sharp with new stuff, not too bad with pre-90s stuff.

Hoo boy, this post is meandering. You know I used to be clear and concise. WTF happened.

Let’s get to the crux…. I brought the heat. They Might Be Giants, Great Big Sea, Beyonce, Fountains of Wayne, Lonely Island, Fifth Harmony, Loverboy, the Offspring, Dropkick Murphys. I was killing it. Nailing the song titles. Round after round. My aunt picked off the few country jams. My mom got a John Lennon B-side that everyone else thought was Bob Dylan. My dad got Styx. The school ladies got Donna Summer and some 80s jams. Our Gen Z couple contributed nothing but silence and perplexed looks (shame!). Still, we absolutely crushed it. As final scores were being announced, we learned we finished at least top three. When we found out we beat the rival town, my mom’s elementary school friends were yelling out trash talk to the whole bar. They were so excited, “it’s like Miss America, and we’re in the final two!”. Then the MC announced we won. Pandemonium, cheering, taunting, celebration, wildly exceeding our expectations. We got a fun prize bag. The school ladies insisted I come back next Wednesday, and they buy food.

It was a really good time, but I don’t think that will be our new Wednesday night ritual. It’s more fun to have dropped in on a single occasion and won the game anyway. That’s how legends are made.

3 am Gorilla

Insomnia day 3. In the same hotel room. I took sleeping pills tonight. They kicked in around 9:30 pm and I tried to sleep. It was fitful. Tossing, turning, in and out. Sometimes the universe just works against you. In the room next to ours is a lady who keeps coughing constantly. Now I’m up at 3am and I know I didn’t get enough sleep.

Today is supposed to be a fun day too. New home walkthrough, bank draft and lawyers, picking out paint colours, dinner at my parents.

Let’s try to relax. My usual trick is to imagine myself floating through the black, empty, expanse of space. That’s usually enough of a shift away from reality that gentle slumber follows. Instead I’m an overheated insomniac.

This isn’t fun writing. Let’s change the topic from my unshrinking brain (your brain shrinks when you sleep you know – it lets the CNS fluid more fully fill your head, washing away the biological waste products of the day.) Missing sleep is so bad for us.

Social media has exploded with the debate of who would win in a fight. 100 unarmed men or one silverback gorilla.

Now, a gorilla is a seemingly unstoppable foe. 400-450lbs of dense muscle. Strength to bench press over 2000lbs. 2-inch canine teeth for biting, crushing and ripping in a mouth capable of 1300 psi of force. Incredible sprinting speed, can fight with both arms and legs. A devastating opponent in every way.

For the fight, the details matter. If the men were randomly selected from around the planet, Gorilla wins. There would be language barriers, low team cohesion and confidence. Many of the men will be old and/or weak. No contest. Gorilla. Absolute nightmare carnage.

But, if you are allowed to select the men, now we’re talking. Challenge accepted.

For team selection I want a large contingent of beefy tanks. I’m thinking huge guys that compete in international strongman competitions. These guys would be supplemented with monster NFL pro bowl linemen. The guy who played the mountain on game of thrones would be squad leader of the tanks. This will comprise about half the team. Humanity’s best representation of brute strength.

Now I need guys who specialize in unarmed damage. These will be the mixed martial arts guys. Men that can kick, knee, punch and elbow hard. Speed and damage. They can grapple. We’ll stick to the Heavyweight division. This will form the other half of the team.

I will reserve one spot for a field general or team captain. He’s going to need charisma, because I want him giving an amped up William Wallace Braveheart hype speech before the battle. “We fight together, we survive together!” That kind of thing. Adrenaline flowing, get the people going.

Initially the men fight like a wolfpack. Whenever the gorilla is hurting a man, we rush him from behind to try and distract, damage and rescue. 360 degrees of attack. Flying drop kick to the spine that sort of thing.

If this isn’t working, we swarm the fucker. This isnt a bad king-fu movie. We attack simultaneously. Team members will be assigned different parts of the gorilla beforehand. They try to grab ahold of each limb. The biggest guys establish a headlock. Tie him up to facilitate damage.

Now, the MMA guys start sending flying knees and elbows at the face, stomping, kicking. We’re going to break those teeth. Compromise the gorilla’s weapons.

Our secret weapon is the testicle team. Their only job is to grab and rip those gorilla balls off. This is a fatal blow. It will die through hemorrhaging, but will take some time. It guarantees at least a tie.

But I think the men win. Communication, planning, cohesiveness and courage are absolutely required, but we could do it.

Time to try and sleep again.

Groundhog Night

Insomnia again. THC withdrawal is real.

It was such a good day too. I’m going to be exhausted tomorrow.

I voted for the Liberal party today. I bet not many are in the “I voted in both the 2024 USA and 2025 Canadian federal elections” club. I deserve a civic duty cookie. They are a bit dry, but taste important.

I guess I’ll read Descender until I feel tired. I hate typing on this kindle.

Psychic Voltage

It’s almost 2am and I’m wired. Significant physiological and psychological factors are driving this insomnia.

Some context first. I’m in my hometown of T.Bay, in bed – a hotel room in the dark. Wife is sleeping next to me, I’m on my kindle fire awkwardly trying to silently hunt and peck type on this shitty little e-keyboard.

We’re up here to buy a home. Another milestone in our project to move from Massachusetts to Ontario.

That is not why I’m wired though. THC withdrawal appears to be in full effect. I’m taking another cannabis break, and that first week after quitting makes for a restless detoxing brain full of neurotransmitter. Supercharged with glutamate.

I also just played about two hours of blitz chess and am in a jangled competitive aftermath state. If I ever need to survive A Nightmare on Elm Street situation, I could probably stay up forever playing 5 minute blitz chess. I’m not even that good at it, its just addictive as shit.

Now the emotional reasons…….. Is anyone else feeling quiet desperation in the people you care about? Don’t people seem more fragile lately? This might be the first time in my life that I’ve felt like humanity is backsliding, and it is very troubling.

I think I can sleep now, suddenly I feel exhausted. Looks like the cure to insomnia is existential dread.