I was supposed to play softball tonight but it was canceled due to rain. The field’s all soggy. Like my gum.
Apparently ****** has been running rampant searching out every comment I’ve ever left. She’s upset as she should be. I hesitate to write anything anymore since guilt and paranoia fight with my desire to express myself. Do I just continue to pour myself out here until my little private bubble is popped one more time? She promised she wouldn’t read it again. I’ll probably stay until no one is paying any attention anymore. And then maybe after that.
I don’t know if I’ll comment on any entries that aren’t protected anymore. I don’t know if I’ll do even that.
I’m confused and unhappy.
There was a story on the public radio show, This American Life, about a confused girl. She lusted after an engaged man and was unhappy. She decided to write about her life as a short story for her creative writing class. All her classmates would read the story and then during the in-class discussion she would gain valuable insight on her situation. Her instructor and peers questioned the protagonists motivations, her short sightedness and pointed out how self-absorbed she appeared to be.
The Ancient Undergrad 
First, what an interesting appproach to a problem. Second, how freaky weird the parallel to your situation. Third, I never cease to be intrigued and amused by your complacency.
That’s not a dig. I genuinely appreciate the person you project to be here. And he’s damn complacent.
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yes, i’ve been tracked by her as well..
anyway, i’ll be honest with you, i read what she has written on her page and i pity her and the situation you’re both in. i sincerely hope for both your sake it will work out whether you decide to part ways or choose to let go.
and re: your unhappiness, is anyone really truly happy? happiness is overrated, you’ll just feel uplifted and the higher you climb the deeper you fall.
that’s all =)
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Yeah I noticed on my Xtracker all the visits from her! Dang! Jealous eh?
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I was wondering who was looking at my Xanga from your neck of the woods. I hope things work out one way or another for you soon. Sucks to be in this unstable limbo.
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Interesting about the NPR story.
How old are you again? 26? Sounds like you both need to decide what you want out of life. I was Googling “purpose of my life” the other night and was directed to a simple article called “What Is My Purpose” by Helaine Iris. Has four good questions to ask yourself towards the end of it. Here’s the link… http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Iris9.html.
Neither of you want to be sitting around ten years from now asking…”What the heck was I waiting around for?” or “Why was I spending so much time living my life on Xanga?” You need to figure out what you are looking for, because if you are posting here, I promise it is because you are looking for something. Just figure out what you need on a day to day basis to be fulfilled. …and I don’t mean sated as in full from food. I mean truly fulfilled from your toenails to the ends of the hairs on your head. Maybe it’s running, maybe it’s public service, maybe it’s being a daddy. Whatever it is, figure it out. This will then define who you should be doing those things with. As I always say, easier said than done…because here I sit on Xanga…but I can tell you I am closer to whatever my IT is than I was two years ago. My virtual friend…I truly wish you fulfillment.
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