Hello. It’s been a quiet morning and afternoon. I want to write here but am having difficulty seizing one of my swirling thoughts. They are encased within an impenetrable gelatinous blob of turmoil. Turmoil I don’t believe I’m entitled to but have nevertheless. I would like to live one day in someone else’s head, listening to their stream of consciousness. Would I find more complex and elegant reasoning or something cruder? Maybe that’s part of why I enjoy Xanga, except the experiences and ideas expressed here tend towards the shallow and inconsequential. A window into a truly interesting and insightful mind is so rare. but beautiful. I don’t believe myself to be particularly intelligent, I probably think slower and more freely disconnected than most. My expressed opinions tend to be vague or ambiguous. It’s difficult to have forceful opinions when you’re so open to possibility. It’s a drifting stream punctuated more with colour and music than vocabulary. Not a great attribute for someone on the verge of starting a career firmly grounded in rigid logical structure. My sister, who’s in art school, probably has the right idea. I have a suspicion that path would have fit better. Running a scientific maze will be challenging. But the challenge won’t be the work, it will be in finding some way to not be miserable in it. I wonder if someone else is living my life somewhere. I wonder if it fits them as poorly as this one does me.
The Ancient Undergrad 
Oh, what happens if you get stuck in the head like how it ended in ‘Being John Malcovich’?? (spelling??) I’ve always wanted to look in people’s heads myself, to live a day within someone with such a mind. Xanga is a nice tiny peek, but it still isn’t the same.
LikeLike
Xanga is in no way like being in someone’s head. For instance. I refrain from putting post of what I actually think here since a lot of people I know read it. Plus, when you put something in writing, there’s a 40% chance or higher of someone misinterpreting what you are trying to convey. So I stick with the shallow end of the pool for my posts, plus I’m a lazy writer.
If you’re not going to be happy in science, don’t do it. If you hate being in Boston (esp. the house you’re in), get out. You are still young and you have energy. Life is so short you need to find a way to be happy. Unless you find that being miserable IS what makes you happy, then fine, be a scientist living in Merle’s parents house. See if we care.
LikeLike
PS: here are three xanga’s you might enjoy. They usually carry a little bit of weight and depth to them. Not always, but usually.
http://www.xanga.com/tincanman, http://www.xanga.com/goofygrapes, http://www.xanga.com/doctorperky.
LikeLike
I like your ghostie background.I like this post.I think that most people are generally the same. We may seem extremely different to one another, but on a universal scale we’re made of the same stuff, feel the same things, experience similar environments from the vantage point of similar bodies. Going by that theory, you’d have to find a physically deformed female in China to get a truly different worldview.
LikeLike
When I’m in your situation I just don’t write. And lately it’s been lots of times!
LikeLike
dude that was way too deep for my pea brain to comprehend
LikeLike
I like your background.
As far as paths go, I think you can find a happy medium between a structured plan and a freestyle way of living. I’m hoping for the same.
“It’s a drifting stream punctuated more with colour and music than vocabulary.”
That, by the way, is a gorgeous sentence.
LikeLike
i love your halloween background. i think i mostly dont write thoughtful posts out of laziness. in response to lizamae, i met lots of physically deformed females in china and they were mostly the same, at least pretty similar to a physically deformed female in poorer areas of america, or any other chinese woman. is your fish The Cheat named after the homestar character? or is it just a clever coincidence?
LikeLike
I am often referred to as “Ms. Random”. My thoughts are rarely connected and when I am in my space, rambling to someone else, they have a hard time following me at times. I don’t think that you or I are really alone in that area. In all honesty, I don’t post deeper thoughts here on xanga, mostly because they are mine, and I don’t want to defend those ideas to someone who thinks differently than I do and believes that I should follow a different path than I am currently on. Which I suppose is why many people read your site, and like 4 read mine! You do share, I mean how many people would be as honest on this about Merle as you are? I like that you share your life and feelings, yet you also share with us the dinosaur stories from the previous workplace. Mostly, I think we all here just want you to be happy, and want to be happy ourselves. Thinking processes differ, they have to, but it all boils down to the same soup; humanity.
LikeLike