I’ve been lightly dozing all summer. Eyes half lidded. Lethargic body sprawled out on whatever’s softest and closest. Since graduation I’ve been completely sleeping. System on coast. No exercise. Foggy consciousness. Everything half assed. Creative tubes empty. Motivational bucket has a hole. Day to day drifting. I can’t be happy in this state. I need to be jolted. Stressed. Challenged. Or else I nap. get bored. stagnate. Last night I felt something shift though. Late before I went to bed, after I shut the TV off in disgust and unscrewed the cable. Some clarity and drive returning. Better perspective and perception. Today I can feel the difference in the inflection of my voice, the energy in my muscles. It feels good. I’m waking up again. Hopefully it lasts.
In a week and a half I’m going to Boston. Just for five days while I have some time off. I’ll bring Merle back though for a couple weeks. Three weeks with Merle… Ahhahaahaha. While I’m visiting I’ll gauge how her parents feel about the prospect of taking me in for September. I, who they used to love. Things have cooled substantially though. I’ve been with Merle for so long without proposing, took such a long time with school. Much of my luster is gone. And they desperately want to get rid of her. Merle gets along worse with her family than with me. There are too many strong, flammable personalities in that household. And one insane one. I would rather live in Southie or some run down ghetto than there. But I need a job.
So yesterday during the tail end of a seemingly infinite shift, still thinking through fog, I decided to do some pseudo-random commenting. It’s been a few months since I indulged in this particular procrastination exercise. So browsing the xanga blogrings, I saw and picked the animal rights category under “science and nature”. The following blogring piqued my interest:
!!!!!!MONKEYLAND!!!!!!!
people who are devoted to monkeys!!! I LOVE MONKEY LAND!!!
Well that looked promising. I mentioned monkeys in my last post and who knows, maybe I’d even find a qualified member for the Monkey Calendar Owners Blogring. So I jumped into Monkeyland and opened up the ten most recently updated pages, carefully scrutinized their last posts, and did my best to leave a good solid, relevant comment.
Next up I noticed, still in the animal rights section:
GEORGE BUSH ROCKS!!!
Hey, everybody! I couldn’t find politics in the list of categories so I picked animal rights just for fun. This blogring is for people who support George Bush as our president.
Yuck. But I chose it anyway, hoping it was a tribute to a presidential rock collection. I went through the same process. Except leaving comments on these pages was considerably more difficult. More than half of them were centered around personal relationships with God. I find it remarkably sad that Republican and Christian seem to be synonymous in America. It’s such a strange phenomenon. Do issues like abortion and gay rights really trump the problems of homelessness, racial discrimination, and social aid? Admittedly, that’s based on some pretty general assumptions about Democrat and Republican values but that’s the perception. Moving on..
So while I was looking at these pages, a fierce, but sickly sounding German voice started yelling from somewhere in the back of my head, “It’s all slave morality!” “God is dead!”, “Overmannnnn!!!”. then I mentally squashed him. Shut up Fred, they’re trying to live good lives, trying to do the right things. Maybe they’ve got it right and people like us are inherently evil. Maybe they truly do feel a God. Maybe skeptical, open-minded chumps like us are fated to burn in their hell. I tuned him out enough before too much sarcasm seeped in. I think I got through eight of the ten pages. There were two I just couldn’t deal with.
The Ancient Undergrad 
Number one: homelessness is not a sin; and when it occurs, it’s either because of a stupid individual’s devotion to drugs, or it’s a mentally unstable person that the government cannot keep confined (so that they can be sure to take their medication) because of the democrats’ laws. These people could lead quasi-normal lives, but after they are stable enough to realize that they are taking medication, they stop taking it because they then think that they do not need it. While it is sad that the mentally handicapped are out on the streets, this is from the liberal laws that say we cannot hold onto them. As for the drug abusers, it is their own fault, and I would rather live in a world where I can actually keep the money I make, instead of handing it out to those who waste their lives away.
Similarly, public aid has become far too great of a crutch for the “underbelly” of society. There are jobs available for these people, but with the government telling them that they do not have to work (by giving them a paycheck in welfare for doing nothing day by day), they do not attempt to take them. These people produce children, who, seeing sustenance can be obtained through nothing (as their parents demonstrate), also become dependent on the government’s “aid” (which is really hurting them in the long run than helping them). This is creating whole generations who are fully able to work but simply refuse to do so, again taking money from those who actually work to feed the lazy.
Finally, racial discrimination is an issue that even Christians (who are admittingly predominantly Republican) fight against. I see it and I hate it, yet changing the hearts of the bigots is something that man’s government will never be able to accomplish. The Bible states that all men are created equal, in the image of God. “Christians” who do not believe this are probably not Christians at all. Only God can change those men’s hearts, the very God which we are ignoring as we condone killing babies and giving special rights to blatant sinners.
LikeLike
woahyour meanderings have pointed things in a decidedly bad political directionretreat!I’m really tempted to rail into the previous comment, this part in particular:”Only God can change those men’s hearts, the very God which we are ignoring as we condone killing babies and giving special rights to blatant sinners.”But I’m guessing most of your readers are of similar socio-political orientation, and it’s really not worth the words. Just let it be said that the above is a representation of the exact opposite belief system to which I subscribe.This morning while I showered, J sat in bed watching a Christian preacher justifying the war, praising Bush. The convergence of religion and politics is sickening. Save me a spot in Canada, I’m there. You guys really have it together politically. I wish we weren’t so backwards.RYC – Peanut made me laugh, but coconut was even better. I’m a tough nut.
LikeLike
i’ve been doing a lot of sleeping/cruising since graduation also. it’s really hard to get out of that state.
LikeLike
Hahahaha, interesting blogrings. What the hell is wrong with people? And I would LOVE to doze lightly all summer. Just those words make me feel calm and relaxed. Ahhh.
LikeLike
What was more fun: the monkeys or the Bushites?! I’ve been watching some Penn & Teller Bullshit (yes, that’s the name of their show). Fun stuff. They said the best way to get more atheists is just simply to read the bible.
LikeLike
Too much in here to comment on and tech week started last night, I’ll try again later, but want you to know you were read. I’ll make sure to tell Peaceofmymind to read your comment on my page and tell her to get to work on that without me telling her to get to work on that or without being involved in anyway (if you saw the post I put on her page, you’ll know what I’m talking about.)
LikeLike
I love P&T’s Bullshit! They taught me that recycling anything but aluminum and glass is a huge waste of energy. Get thee in a landfill, paper!
LikeLike
TGIF employees only do that if your friends tell them it’s your birthday. also, the balloon tying usually only happens if you have long hair.
LikeLike
what sort of mischeif??
LikeLike
i hadnt heard about billy corgan taking out an ad to get the band back together, although i had heard tha he wants to. why an ad? couldnt he just call them up? the ad sounds odd… what if they dont read the newspaper? i know i dont regularly enough to catch ads that people want me… like those: “Saw you at SW premier. Am tall guy with big saber. want to hook up?” who knows how many missed opportunites i have had…ugh, politics and religion. definately into the “retreat” idea. i dunno. yeah, i believe in God, and would say i have some sort of relationship with him… but i dont call myself a Christian and i have not been happy with any church lately and espcially am mega upset with the Religious Right and thier taking over of America, or so it would seem. Republicans are mostly Christian, and vice versa, and they indeed put abortion, gay rights (or lack thereof), and prayer and whatnot on a higher pedistal then, oh, you know… thousands of people dying in Africa, that sort of thing. not too fun. I am one of the small minority of liberal, left-wing Democrats and yet pro-life and spiritual. whatev.
LikeLike
Sleep is good. And monkeys aren’t bad either.
LikeLike
Lethargy has taken hold of me as well. I have seen more tv this summer than I did all winter long. It’s rediculous and saddening. I haven’t done anything particularly productive and I admit that I am sickened by it. Anyways… all that to say… I know what you mean. haha
I actually used to subscribe to the whole christian agenda thing, and I think the things that has surprised me most, is that for all of my debating and srguing to save the souls of others, I lived in fear and hurt more often than not, and found the whole thing to be wanting of exactly what it claimed it was saving me from.
Monkeys, doughnuts and weird owls. How is he doing anyway? The balcony still looking good?
LikeLike
you’ll have to change your screen name. or perhaps take up bizarre courses of study at the local community college.
the first paragraph: i’m in the same boat right now, have been for five months, and have never felt like such a waste of human space. i enjoy the nothingness of duty and responsibility and expectations, but i can’t mster the stamina to accomplish anything and so the feelings of failuredom spiral out fo control until i am completely incapacitated.
i wonder about you and Merle (i know a secret), and while i know you choose to portray her worst sides here, i worry that you will be commiting a grave error by binding yourself to her forever. i think it has a lot to do with you being a scorpio
LikeLike