I had a little odyssey tonight. Hopefully I can convey some of the unembellished ridiculousness of it.
So, I’m still on nightshifts and didn’t sleep very well today. Maybe four hours. Once up, I skated an errand downtown to the passport office. I forgot my birth certificate at home and the trip accomplished nothing. It was still enjoyable though. The sun was warm and my skating is improving. None of this is really relevant to my little adventure, I’m just making the point that I was already fairly tired before the fun started.
8:45pm: Left the apartment for a 45 minute run before my 10:30 nightshift. It went exceedingly well, it turns out this was my fastest run of the year so far. I really went all out and it was very satisfying. I would probably be in amazing shape if I didn’t have three donuts and a coffee that’s 1/3 sugar for breakfast everyday.
9:30pm: The run’s done and I’m back at my apartment door, sweating heavy and I can’t find my key. A sinking feeling settles in as I realize it must have fallen out of the little pocket inside my gym shorts somewhere on my route. Maybe somewhere on the grass, or maybe I didn’t hear it clang on the sidewalk because I listen to music while running. But, since I live on campus and students lose their keys all the time, there is a 24 hour housing office that holds back up keys. My building, Bayfield hall, is on the northwestern most tip of campus. Defying all logic, the backup keys are kept at Alumni house, at the southeastern end of campus. My blood was still pumping and I felt pretty good so I figured I still could run there in 10 minutes, get the keys, run back in another 10, and still maybe make it to work on time. And off I went.
9:45pm: I’m at Alumni house near the eastern gates of the University. There’s a notice on the glass double doors, “Closed May 1st to Aug 31st. See personnel at Delaware hall.” All right. Delaware is in the middle of campus so that’s not so bad, approximately a seven minute run back in the direction I just came. I put on the new Common album for a smooth and mellow flow while off I go.
9:51pm: At Delaware hall, sweating and panting profusely. I smile at the older gentleman at the desk, “Hi, I live at Bayfield and lost my keys.” “Ohhhhhhh. Ummmm. This is my first day here. Gimmie a minute, I don’t know where anything is.” So he looks around absentmindedly. I tell him to take his time even though I’ve really got to hustle. He makes a call, it gets forwarded back to his own phone. He calls someone else, gets an after hours recording. He calls another clerk at Essex hall, “Oh! so that’s why I can’t find them. We’ll then I’ve got some business I’m going to send over to you, but don’t worry, he’s cute.” Essex! That’s right across the street from Alumni house. I just came from that area. Off I go again.
10:10pm: I get to Essex…. Wha… Hey! this isn’t Essex! It’s Elgin hall! NOOOOOOOO! I NEED ESSEX NOT ELGIN!! So, I just ran in the opposite direction to the wrong building. Essex is at least a good ten minute (uphill) run to the southwest end of campus. So back I go, over the Thames river bridge and through swarms of gnats for the fifth (but not final) time that day.
10:25pm: I get to Essex hall, flash my cute smile at the desk clerk. She chuckles and knows it’s me. I get the back-up keys and north to Bayfield I run.
10:40pm: Riding in the elevator up to my apartment, dead tired and burned out, knowing I’m going to be at least forty minutes late for work. But wait! Here’s the cherry on the pie! It was at this moment, riding in the elevator, a beaten man and utterly exhausted, that my apartment key chose to shake loose of my gym shorts and fall onto the floor directly in front of me. The very key I just toured the University trying to replace! And it’s here that I envision the gods, mugs of nectar in hand, slapping each other on the back, pointing down at me and laughing.
So yeah, I got into my apartment, called work and apologized, drank a couple gallons of water, quick shower, no time for a shave or to make coffee and a sandwich, strapped on the inline skates for one more trip through campus and got to work 40 minutes late. The End.
The Ancient Undergrad 
Ha! Your blonde roots are showing!! (Mine show on a regular basis.) Are you 10 pounds lighter for all of that running around campus? Hope you have a better day tomorrow.
LikeLike
I should have swiped that magazine, but just wrote the list down instead so I wouldn’t bring another magazine home. I checked the website and it’s not online. He says why he chose some of those albums, and some of his reasons were intriguing. But wasn’t it fun typing “bunk”?
LikeLike
you can pass that Ancient Undergrad baton over to me…
congrats ya bastid
oh, you think the pilates ball will be good enough? what if i get lazy and want to lean back?? ahh… i guess it’s a good double.
LikeLike
Ay, what a day. I think you worked those donuts off, in all fairness.
I’m not sure what Jesus would say, but luckily, he blogs on Myspace, not Xanga. I’m safe.
LikeLike
my mouth actually fell open in shock when I read that your keys had been with you the entire time. the gods are cruel. I picture you standing defiantly, shaking your fist at the sky and screaming incoherent curses. it’s too bad that the denizens of Olympus don’t repsond to hissy fits…
LikeLike
Oh, my god. That sucks so bad. Good to test the cuteness and know it will work in the next jam, anyway. I think you got enough exercise for the both of us. My fitness spree did not continue this week, sad to say.
“I sang in my chains like the sea” is right–you got the quote right. On this end, when I read the words, “I need Essex,” my brain saw, “I need sex.” I would say my subconscious is trying to tell me something, but I overcame my anti-depressant frigidity and actually got some tonight. For a split second I wondered what sex had to do with lost keys…then I got it straightened out. It’s 2 a.m. and I have to be up in 5 hours, damn insomnia. Nuthin’s making sense right now. I hope you get some rest, too.
LikeLike
Wow, you have the same gods tormenting you as I do! They’ve used that trick on me before. Except, well, I don’t run.RYC: Yeah, that damn list took forever. Ack.. I thought I was in the mood for a list but that just killed it. Made me want to start drinking!
LikeLike
i had this boyfriend in college, and he was a pretentious asshole. he was very good-looking, and knew it, and wore eyeliner, and vintage suits, and drank “vodka tonic(s), extra lime,” and only listened to bands no one had ever heard of (i like indie, but come on), and was a vegan, and had dyed black hair which he cut with a steak knife. does this give you an idea of how very fucking cool he thought he was? good. he would listen to the talking heads (who i still like in spite of this), and do this awful stilted, almost like “the robot” dance to it, and he also thought that that was really cool. that’s all i had to say.
LikeLike
I think I would have just saved time and shot myself. But, I tend to be lazy that way.Jake
LikeLike
i like how the whole thing is accented by wonderfully little angry yellow faces. i only hope they accurately recreate your own face at each of those times. 🙂
LikeLike
Nectar sounds yummy. I imagine it tastes like mountain dew, code red possibly. I bet the gods drink beer as often as they drink nectar. Based on the cruelty demonstrated in your story, this was probably a beer night for the gods.
LikeLike
I’d laugh at you, but that would be mean. oops, I am laughing.
in other news, got the card, and just as you told me after receiving the Milhouse, I’m trying to figure out an appropriate response.
LikeLike
i just noticed the top thingy. nice.
LikeLike
You always have the most radndom musical selections. I love it.
LikeLike
oh yikes! That sounds awful. The only good thing about a bad day is that it makes for good blogging. That’s what I always tell myself, “sure, it was bad, but it’ll make a great entry!” And, I mean, if I were God, I’d have to laugh sometimes. I hope your day went better later on though!
LikeLike
I have to admit, that my bad days go better when I remember things like this. I will now be able to say the next time I lose my own keys, “Well, look on the bright side. At least you didn’t…”
Loved the Gods thing, it’s true, they suck.
LikeLike