November 30, 2004 4:20 pm

So lost right now. Maybe tomorrow I’ll find my way home.

No time to update but I need some sort of break.. Despite what I like to believe, I am not a machine. Feeling very self-destructive this evening. Instead of putting in a Herculean effort to finish some projects and assignments I just want to lounge around in my pajamas, drinking coffee, maybe screw my TV cable back in, maybe some anime, Xanga commenting. Arg. Not good, I think I just convinced myself to be bad. I’m unprivatizing yesterdays big chatty post. I took it down because I hated how upbeat and peppy it was. A total opposite to what I was feeling. It is impossible for me to stay dark and brood for long though. Even when everything seems to be falling apart I can still smile and laugh. I still enjoy just being, I’ve always been an optimist and probably always will.

0 thoughts on “November 30, 2004 4:20 pm

  1. I wish I had your optimism.  I need to feel like I’m doing something that’s making a difference, or I’ll literally go insane!  L People at work make me sad with their politics sometimes.  I wish I was at home, working on project in my jammies.

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  2. I read your update earlier when it was up … Last year when I was going crazy, I would sit down on UC hill and just lie on the grass and watch all the people go by. Maybe Winston Churchill can give you some advice, “When you’re going through hell, keep going.”****hug****

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