How do I feel after formatting and archiving all my old blog posts for posterity?
Wistful.
That kid that wrote here in 2004 embodied the spirit of my youthful soul. That young man is still in here, but there’s a middle-age crust now. There, now you see! I’m an ugly, horrible, grouchy old man! That melancholy feeling from yesterday has lingered. I ripped an old scab off my fungus heart and am now missing everyone and everything from that time in my life.
So what happened in the years where my blog fizzled out and Xanga died?
After breaking up with my long-term girlfriend (and the resulting interim dating phase), I found my future wife, Claw in 2009. She was, and is, a kind, generous, warm person with interests and passions that align with my own. We were married in 2014, and our marriage is still solid as a rock.
We decided not to have children. We’re both 45 and mostly at peace with that decision. We revisit the conversation once in awhile to reassure each other we made the right call. Heart and head don’t always agree though. The house feels too empty sometimes.
I went from being a very low paid toxicology technician at a contract research organization in a Boston suburb, to a slightly better paid Research Associate at a pharmaceutical start-up in Cambridge, MA. They ran out of money and laid everyone off when their diabetes antibody failed in clinical trials. The chief scientific officer apparently liked me though. After he landed another executive job at a stealth start-up, he reached out to me to join the tiny company. I spent the rest of my career there, 2011-2024. The company is now in the S&P 500, having made a blockbuster drug in 2020. I was promoted a few times, ended up retiring as a senior scientist last June. I feel incredibly lucky to have been integral in developing something that saved thousands of lives. I am listed as a co-inventor on dozens of patents and have financial stability to reclaim my time. I am still trying to figure out what to do with it. Claw is still working by choice. I am proud of my career. I worked hard. I owed it to that confused, exhausted, naive student who started this blog back in Weldon Library 21 years ago. You would be proud of us kid.
We bought a house and moved to a Boston suburb in the Metrowest area. We love vacations to the Caribbean. Aruba, Puerto Rico, Grand Cayman, Bermuda. My original wedding ring is buried somewhere in the sand near the Pillars of Hercules in Antigua. We visited Japan, the UK. Countless trips around Canada. I was the best man in a Vegas wedding. Trips to Cape Cod. We’ve had great vacations in LA and NYC.
I’m still in good shape, working out most days. No major health scares yet. I started growing weed. I made a bitcoin mining rig. Wood working projects. Friends have come and gone. Couples have rotated in and then out. Friendships are like plants and I’ve never been great at watering them. I’ve maintained a few close ones though. I think there is space for more now that time has opened up. Life feels quiet. I work on my chess game, read, play video games. Life can feel boring without real stressors. It feels an incredible luxury, but also existentially uneasy. What is my purpose?
We are preparing to leave Massachusetts. Since Claw’s job is fully remote, we are going back to my hometown in Ontario, Canada. It is a secluded property buried in the woods on 40 acres, but within the city limits. No neighbours are visible from the house, only ancient granite mountains. It’s our apocalypse home and a fresh start. We’re going to find out how hard is it to build a social network outside of family in our mid-forties. 2025 feels like the start of a new chapter. I hope it’s not the last good one.
The Ancient Undergrad 