In my head Xanga is coming full circle. It’s so old that it’s becoming cool again.

I didn’t enjoy the phase where it was bloating itself with too many features. It got stuffed and over saturated with unwieldy controls and settings. It was like an old man trying to look young and hip by getting plastic surgery, a toupee, and some shades.

but now….

time has passed…
the odd user unfriendly controls are eccentric and kind of charming…
the obscurity of the site is appealing….

I may be back………

but under the surface of course.

I’m enjoying Camera Obscura’s new album.

Hi!

So your birthday and Father’s Day just passed and I still haven’t acknowledged them. Sorry!!

I have been doing well lately. I’ve been involved with some great research at my job. My company is in a race with another one to develop a biological drug for type one diabetes. We think we’re in the lead, but who knows? I’m not sure how much longer I’ll stay with this company, but I am happy, and will continue with them and taking classes

For fun lately I’ve been watching a lot of movies. I’ve been watching a lot of horror movies. Drag Me To Hell was great, I’m sure you probably saw that one. The Mist was another good one. Tonight after writing these cards, I’ll probably watch Death Race 2000 with David Carradine and Sly Stallone. 1975! Old!

I’ve been dating a girl named Claw for three months now.

2025 me here: Claw becomes my wife in 2014, and we are happily married. 

Moist panties.

Ointment.

Vomit. Slacks.

http://www.boingboing.net/2009/05/19/moist-and-other-word.html#comments

Xanga now depresses me every time I explore it.

My subscription panel on the left side of the page is a graveyard. I don’t even think I can change that panel anymore. It makes me feel like an old man. Kalligenia, reyrey12, wonderplum are still alive, everyone else hasn’t updated in ages. And GratefulImHere actually is dead.

Using Xanga feels like trudging through a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Abandoned pages, once loved, are everywhere. Writing my little protected posts feels like whispering in the darkness. Such a downer.

Procrastination

I have zero passion for immunology. This is a recurring thought.

I want a do-over. I want to go back and talk to 14 year old me. I think that’s the youngest I could go and have myself actually listen.

“Hey *****. Forget this science stuff. I know you’re pretty good at it right now, but it’s not the way to go. Scientists have to live and breathe this shit if they are going to be relevant. If you want to do science well, you can’t have a life. Maybe some can, but you can’t, you’re just not going to ever be that into it.

Let’s take another path. I don’t think striving to be a sports star would be any different. Maybe you could make it to the minor leagues in hockey if you work your ass off, but I doubt we would make the big show. Let’s try something else. We tried programming, that’s not our thing. You love wildlife. You love music.

Forget that though. Let’s make money with minimal effort. Go into business. Get a fucking MBA from a good school. This should be cake. You’re good at math and have good grades. You’ll feel guilty making a fortune off of the backs of the poor, but everyone does this in the first world anyway.

Sure you won’t be working on curing cancer and diabetes (which is where you are going to end up if you keep going this way), but you can have a fat bank account, and won’t be a second rate scientist for the rest of your life.

Oh, and loosen up. Open your eyes and stop being so fucking shy. You have a ton of people that like you in this high school. If you weren’t so goddamn scared of everyone and hiding all the time, you would get laid before you go to college. And when you get to college, go to the library every fucking day. Not just on the three days before every exam.

To recap, forget the science and programming. Make money. Loosen up.

Look what I made.

I made the red one while watching the Oscars. I made the yellow one tonight while listening to music. They’re felt.

I’m still trying to figure out why I made them. I think I need to get laid. This is strange behavior.

I am so tired of being a student.

I am lucky to be one though.

I am intelligent but completely unfocused and scatterbrained.

So maybe I’m really an idiot.

just a random email i sent that wont make much sense. a little slice of my life.

Hi E****,
Good to hear things are going well with you. 🙂 A nice surprise on a day that was otherwise pretty shitty. I totally bombed in my lab presentation this morning with weak results. ahhhhhh this week dragged on forever. I was exhausted today because last night I had a hall of fame date. I took this girl to a poetry slam in the basement of the Cantab. That part was a ton of fun. But the best part was the end in the car when we were saying goodbye. I went to kiss her on the cheek, and she went for my lips, and it was total awkward collision and mortifying. There are certain moments of dating that are just so uncomfortable and ridiculous. Now I don’t even feel like seeing her again after that embarrassing disaster. I should be writing this poor girl to reassure her. I kind of dig her.

Well, anyway. Good luck moving in. With the right person, that can be wonderful. I hope he’s a a good dude. More good luck on the Biology of Cancer. That was a good class. I think on one of the tests I lost half a point on the Ames question. I was sooooo pissed off. How DARE they! I’m Mr. Motherfucking Ames. Ahhhh. Can you tell I’ve been drinking wine? Anyway, good night E****. I actually thought of you yesterday too. It was because I was looking at google maps and street view and thought, “E**** might have dated the guy who took this picture.” So maybe that sent a shock through the Universe culminating in me getting an email from you for the first time in a few months. Wonderful. 🙂
Goodnight again,
  *****

A beautiful song:

Attack In Black – Now That I’m Dying

… actually the whole album is great if your tired, alone, and unmotivated spacey.