first this

then the delightful parody this.

We’ve got a new technician that I’m training. I don’t like him. He reminds me of Saul Rubinek except fleshier and less interesting.

I feel like writing something interesting. However I also feel empty and bland. I attempted commenting but that’s not working out so well these days.

I was thinking about those powerball winners in the shower today. The most important thing that a lottery win of that size would buy is time. Money would allow a corporate cog to jump out out of the machine, escape the crush and figure out just what he is and wants.

I don’t think I enjoy the crush I’m experiencing. I’m picturing how wonderful being with this woman would be without any negatives. Unhealthy obsession. Three traits that I find extremely attractive in a woman are intelligence, a kind nature and … imagination. A**** has all of them in lethal amounts.

When getting out of a car in a giant parking lot I can’t resist saying, “Now remember …. we’re in the Itchy lot.”

Someone is stealing my Adbuster magazines. Or they’re being confiscated at the border.

We’ve bought so many things for the apartment. Buy buy buy. And I want more. A new printer. Because writing is too slow and takes more effort. But it’s more concise and meaningful.

Bar stools. Window curtains. Amplifier. TV. Cable with HBO. Massage chair. Why all this extraneous unnecessary crud. Why do I want a new XBox or Gamecube or Playstation. They sure make whittling away hours upon hours look glamorous.

There were two new hires in my department at work. Jessica and Elliot. Elliot’s quiet and nerdy. Jessica’s a soulless barbie doll consumer droid.

And A****. A****. A****.

Hmmmm. I like that ****** works late. How the apartment is dark, silent and mine for a few hours when I come home.

I’m going to try yoga for the first time ever this week-end.

What am I doing here. I feel like I’m living the wrong life.

So I just tried writing about my breakup attempt and really didn’t like the way it came out so that’s that. Trust me though, the details aren’t necessary. After some fighting I got fed up and told her that I wanted out of the relationship. At that point, if she would have said fine or pretty much anything harsh, I’d be packing up and looking for a roommate in the Boston area. Instead she collapsed and started crying and alas we’re still together. I wonder how many times I can play this breakup card. It’s a powerful weapon.

Every morning with my coffee and English muffin I’ve been reading Aesop’s fables. I have secret aspirations of catching one of my co-workers moaning and groaning about somethng and then gleefuly launching into my story with faux condensation and wisdom. That’ll be fun. I’ve also got a really good joke ready to go on a moments notice.

Saw Walk the Line last night. Tried to break up two nights ago.

I’m turning into a fat American blob.

Ok no I’m not but I’m restless and compulsive. I’ve got Ikea furniture completely lining the largest wall of this small apartment. Right now I feel like a cross between Edward Norton’s Fight Club and Jim Carey’s Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind character. It’s the line, “Why do I fall in love with every woman who pays the least bit attention to me” part from the latter char that I’m thinking of.

I want my first Adbuster’s magazine to come soon. I need some grounding.

2025 me: Looks like at the end of 2005, I started a new page under a new name for awhile. Posts from this range archived in a different format. Tried to restore everything in a way that makes sense.

February 3, 2006 10:00pm

My shoulder hurts. AC DC’s hells bells stared playing and maybe I became a little too excited and overexerted myself. Merle better massage it. And by Merle I mean ******. And by it I mean penis.

I’m drinking wine and my goddamn shoulder hurts. At the liquor store on Tuesday I picked out my cabernet but the clerk pooh-poohed my Ontario license.
“I can’t take out of state… or out of country”
“Would it be OK if I had my passport?”
“Uhhh how old are you?”
“26”
“No way. Try down the street at Stephen’s.”
“… because Canadians aren’t welcome at Ryan’s liquor store.”
“Leave please.”

A**** needed human blood for her clotting assay and I needed some for my in vitro hemocompatibility test on Wednesday. The big chubby tattooed guy who does all the sample preparation wasn’t around to do it as usual so I volunteered. Anyone who donates scores ten bucks. If I can support my $1.50/day ice cream creamsickle and coffee habit by donating blood weekly then that’s fantastic. Except I’m not a big guy. 5″10 and 155 lean and mean pounds. So when Rich started filling that 11th vial I started to feel light headed and Wooozy. I couldn’t see so good anymore, broke out into an instant cold sweat and apparently became very pale. I could tell everyone in the room was distraught but playing it cool for my benefit. I can see right through that shit even when I’m in blood loss related shock. Well anyhoo I didn’t faint. Someone ran down to the cafeteria and bought me an orange juice. A**** did her test with my blood and I did my test with my blood and it worked really well. Better than all the other donors I’ve used. So it was a happy ending and I now feel a special bond with the bunnies that I get the vivo techs to take blood from all the time.

Thursday, January 26, 2006 7:44 pm

Ahhh. I’m in my apartment. Boxes are strewn everywhere. No phone or cable yet. I’m writing through stolen wireless access.

Domingo and Jogurt are Shining Force characters. Little funny looking ones. Amusing at the time. Video game nostalgia. The mood has past and now the name is bleah.

The virus I just recovered from was a motherfucker. 2 nights ago at 3am I sat on a hospital bed croaking that I had strep throat. Turns out I didn’t. But I got prescribed some Vicodin for the pain. It was the first time I’d been to the doctor in eight years. I wonder how much an emergency room visit in the USA is going to cost. $300+ I bet. Ridiculous. This is reason enough for me to scoff when someone calls this the greatest nation in the world. It’s great for the people at the top. Not so great for the people being stepped on.

It’s taking a long time to set this place up. I’m looking forward to cooking again.

I need a new blog maybe. I’ve felt crippled to write anything ever since my girlfriend found the old one. I’m not comfortable and free anymore.

Saturday, January 21, 2006 11:57 am

Still not using my whole ass.

I’m sick with a nasty sore throat. I hope it’s not the streptococcus bacteria. My medical coverage doesn’t kick in until next month. I’m working too much for little pay and feel like a slave with the best of my creative energy siphoned off into someone else’s corporate black hole. I realize how generic this is.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006 7:33pm

No title today

I’m being drained by my job too much. I’m going to shower and then watch some Elfen Lied. I’m slow getting onto the Sufjan Stevens boat but yeah I admit, Illusions is a quality record. I miss having a decent blog.

I miss university me. Tired, disgruntled, over caffeinated, under socialized. Independent.

Socialized, well adjusted 9-5 me is boring.

Friday, January 06, 2006 8:31 pm

knob creek

It wouldn’t take much to make me happy for the indefinite future. A woman to massage my shoulders and make cooing sounds. The means to cook myself delicious meals. Daily challenges and education. Friendly souls. A little bit of alcohol.

Thursday, January 05, 2006 7:28pm

ooo red lips squeeze it out

I’m going to buy one of these if I can figure out how to add it to my cart. I stayed late smearing 38 small mammalian souls onto slides tonight. I need to get out earlier and take better advantage of the major American city I live next to.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006 8:17pm

Burnt chicken tonight. maybe if I’m lucky.

I need a masseuse. And a bigger salary to pay for one.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 7:02pm

Green mountain goat

At work there is a single coffee maker in the lunch room for the 144 employees. It dispenses fifty cent green mountain coffee. You grab a little plastic cup flavour from the counter, open up the coffee machine top and jam that little cup in there. Shut the door, drop in the coins, press the green button. It whirrs delightfully, the pumpkiny aroma spreads and it’s caffeine goodness to push me through the afternoon. Except today my little plastic cup got stuck in the machine. So I pulled on the drawer and it resisted and pulled back. And I pulled some more. And it snapped. And I broke it. And that’s the end. This blog is the best ever.

2025 me: Looks like at the end of 2005, I started a new page under a new name for awhile. Posts from this range archived in a different format. Tried to restore everything in a way that makes sense.

 

Saturday, December 31, 2005 10:05 am

Currently Listening: The Complete Stax-Volt Singles 1959-1968
By Various Artists

 

Tuesday, December 27, 2005 8:38pm

You’ve Really Got A Hold On Me

Currently Listening Ultimate Collection
By Smokey Robinson & The Miracles

I’ve been listening to a lot of soul lately. And I sing and sing. In the car with no one around. Merle is downstairs singing Blondie Call Me on Karaoke Revolution Party with her brothers. That game is the most fun ever.

I’m still living with her and her parents. Moving out on January 15th. with her.

My job is fulfilling for now. Still very much challenging. My last three and a half years of university are starting to look like a waste. I don’t do any programming any more. I’ve drifted completely back into biology and genetics which was my original degree before I decided I didn’t really know if I wanted to do it.

There is no breaking point with Merle ******. ****** ******. It’s like a piece of plastic that was bent back and forth over and over again. It gets more and more flimsy but never actually detaches.

Nothing much is up with me. I like Boing Boing a lot. Maybe I’ll start a new blogggggg on Blogger.

This made me laugh.

I wish I could comment without scrutiny.

 

Wednesday, December 21, 2005 7:08 pm

The holiday classic Jingle All The Way is on CBC tonight and I’m stuck in the USA.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 9:56 pm

Currently Reading
Moneyball: The Art of Winning an Unfair Game
By Michael Lewis

At work when I’m too hot and have to take off my sweater, leaving on just a thin tight fitting white shirt, I do it in the hallway when no one is around and quickly replace my lab coat because i don’t want anyone to see that I’m in good shape.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 7:02 am

Currently Listening
The Best Little Secrets Are Kept
By Louis XIV

hairy
coconut?
monkeyhead in the freezer!
strange place to work at

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 7:56 pm

Currently Listening
Coral Fang
By The Distillers

I have a new 2006 Honda civic. It has a manual transmission, cruise control and an MP3 CD player. It is a beautiful black machine. The clutch needs a sensitive and loving foot or the tires squeal angrily as it tries to launch out of first. Music makes me go too fast on the highway. But the car is so smooth and wonderful and the music feels so good I just want to go. Effortlessly speeding past everyone on the I-95. There should be no speed limit. Maybe I’ll take it out Sunday night at 4:00am and see just fast it can glide through the night. When I was learning French through audio lessons I went slower. But I’ve stopped since I’m moving out soon.

I don’t have a new blog yet but I really miss writing in one.

Sunday, November 27, 2005 7:02 pm

Currently Listening
Complete Recordings of Sam Cooke with the Soul Stirrers
By Sam Cooke

I really love Sam Cooke.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005 7:25 pm

I’m starting a new one somewhere. I need to.

Getting high once and a while isn’t a bad thing.

I don’t mind the controlled drift I’m in.

No. deliberate drift. but others do.

Sunday, November 13, 2005 2:40 pm

Currently Listening
Portrait of a Legend 1951-1964
By Sam Cooke

So. Merle found my page and read everything.

And chances are she’s read yours too. Well maybe not read, but painstakingly scoured it for comments I’ve left. And she told her friends too.

Believe it or not, she wasn’t that devastated/angry. The resulting fight didn’t even crack our all-time top 10. It was down at about #43 greatest. She was pretty stunned and hurt, but there were no big surprises for her to read. No startling realizations that I hid away from her. The worst was the comment flirting I’ve done with Wonderplum (boy she hates you). But even there she didn’t have a much of a right to cause havoc since she’s been guilty of the same offense in the past.

So I apologized and we moved on. Except now, out of the blue, a couple of times a day she’ll hit me with a question about something I wrote months ago. Things I don’t even remember writing, let alone what I was thinking or going through at the time. And it just stuns me, the amount of new perspective she has.

So I’ve privatized everything and don’t really know where to go from here. I guess I’ll be taking a break for a while. Hopefully everyone will still be here when I figure out how to proceed. I’m not sure if I can continue with her reading, and I’m not going to do things in secret either. It was one thing when she didn’t know about it. It’s another thing if I have to lie about it. sigh.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005 11:15pm

I’m tired. Yes it’s the animal testing job. My lab coat color is tidal wave green. Looking into a microscope for three straight hours is crummy. It was bunny bone marrow blood. I don’t ever see the animals. They just bring the blood. And the in vivo and in vitro people don’t eat together in the cafeteria. It’s like that episode of Friends where Joey got a job at Ross’s museum.

Exhausted.

Sunday, November 06, 2005 9:21 pm

Tomorrow’s my first day at work. I have to wake up at 6:30am. Six thirty A-M.

Friday I drove to Quebec and re-entered the country with permission to work in the USA as a scientist.

I have to wait 90 days before I can take advantage of the tax deductible wellness programs. Massage and acupuncture.

Finished Al Franken’s The Truth With Jokes tonight. It’s a good read, more focused than his last one. Not as funny though. The corruption detailed throughout it will enrage and sicken. Been listening to a bunch of Buddhist stuff too. I’ve got a bit of a commute now so it’ll continue…

I’ve been really getting my shit together lately. Unfortunately this page has suffered. It’ll improve soon. I can feel it. Well it’s almost 9:30pm. If I want eight hours I’ll have to go to bed at…. 10:30!!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005 3:08 pm

I hate having a huge bowl of candy in the house.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005 7:45 pm

Ok, I didn’t get too many shots with my camera but here are some from last night and the week-end. Keep in mind that I have problems keeping my eyes open for pictures. And I bought my costume instead of coming up with something original. Last night our group was quite cosmopolitan, three French, one Costa Rican, one Japanese and a Canadian. We had a good time and ended up in a whiskey bar until closing.

 A pumpkin carved all by myself.

At the Salem wax museum.

My beautiful grave rubbing.

All right here it is, my costume, a samurai. With a French friend who didn’t want to dress up but put on a gold wig Merle found in the attic.

Merle!

Our French friends.

Merle drunk.

The urban samurai with rum and coke #3.

What I look like to a cat.

Sometime late October 2005 7:39 pm

On Saturday we went to Salem with Merle’s brother and his girlfriend, saw the witch museum, enjoyed the stores and costumes. There were some religious fundamentalists with megaphones preaching in the center of the town. Broadcasting about the evil wrongness of witches and Halloween and so on. It’s too bad we didn’t have someone dressed as Jesus with us. That could have been fun. After the witch museum we had dinner and drinks. Walking back towards the car, across the street we spotted a Jesus costume. I saw the lightbulb light above Merle’s head as she yelled out, “Jesus, we need you!”. Prompting us all to call out to Jesus. He turned.

Sometime late October 2005 11:58 am

I’ll write something later maybe even with pictures.  It’s noon and I’m still in pajamas so I should get dressed.

Just wanted to say, I really enjoyed this with laughing deep and true.

*pop culture mumble grumble*

Friday, October 28, 2005 3:37 pm

I’ve got a job offer and I would make more than Merle even though she has a Masters. HahahahahahhahahahhaahhahhahahaahhaHhhahahahahhahahahah!!!!!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 5:32 pm

I’m listening to the Campfire Headphase – Dayvan Cowboy and marveling at how excellent it sounds. I highly recommend this album, Boards of Canada. No vocals, just flowing instrumentals. You have to be in the mood for it I suppose. This one and Death Cab for Cutie – Plans are two of my favorite releases this year for just mellowing out.

Yesterday was ok. I felt like I was acting out my role as birthday boy for everyone else rather than actually relishing the occasion. Still, it was enjoyable. I felt like something spicy and requested a Chinese restaurant. Merle and her family knew of a good one too. I ordered, “Dragon and Phoenix” – jumbo shrimp, chicken, onions, peppers and an excellent tangy sauce. I can’t remember having a dish that was so satisfying. The shrimp were massive too. I wonder if the hurricane season influenced that significantly.. I was sure to order two bottles of the local lager, Sam Adams… On Sunday, in Salem, with Merle and her brother, I didn’t have any ID. I ordered a special 23 oz seasonal draft of Sam Adams and the waitress refused to serve me. One day shy of 26 and denied. And of course Merle got hers and although she doesn’t like beer, she sure seemed to savor this one with gusto. So I sat across from her, stung and disgruntled, sipping my water. Before the incident unfolded I knew I was in trouble though. I was carded in London this summer where the drinking age requirement is 19. So the cashier thought it was plausible that I was 18. Ridiculous. But I suppose you have to take your compliments where you can get them.

At home I had to endure the happy birthday song but then was consoled with butterscotch ice cream cake. I received some sweaters and monetary gifts and then it was over. I listened to an audiobook chapter of the Buddhist book of life and death and fell asleep.

Today it’s windy and dark at 5pm. I’ve been applying to jobs and taking things slow. Hence the mellow music. And drifting post.

Merle’s dad called me son twice yesterday. I don’t know if it was just birthday affection or some form of acceptance. Disconcerting since I recently reaffirmed my vow to escape this relationship soon. The worst is dinner time conversations of my impending marriage and who will be coming and costs and etc. Invariably, the conversation narrows and focuses on me. Merle brings up that I haven’t even proposed yet… and I squirm… ahhh.

Was this post ok? I just reread it and found it boring. But then this stuff has already happened to me. I’m not loving, “Dragonpaw” either. At least ancient undergrad made some sense. I chose the name with the profile picture I wanted to use in mind. Maybe Shooshing_Dragon would have been better. Yes. Or I could have alternated this profile picture with the old one and been ShooshingDragonCrouchingTiger. Or something like that. Too bad it was an impulsive switch.

I want to watch a horror movie tonight. I watched Friday the 13th part three last week. Hadn’t seen that one. Afterwards, I had more fun describing scenes than I did watching it. I used to love doing this in grade school because I know it inspired my friends to want to see what I described. I did it with so much enthusiasm and glee, plus the movies were rated R and taboo, and I know my friend’s moms wouldn’t let them watch the same stuff I got to see all the time… hehehehahaaha. Maybe that’s what I should have written about instead. I think I want to see, “The Stuff” tonight. yes. Or something that will genuinely spook Merle.

http://www.illwillpress.com/
– Halloween Hoopla is worth a play.

Thursday, October 20, 2005 12:14 pm

Ahhh. I don’t feel like elaborating on the previous post in any way.

I’m in the Newton library right now. The only reason for being here is that I’m trying to get out more, but I’m not quite sure if sitting in a quiet little cubicle, typing on my laptop, counts. It’s tough to meet people in a new place when you have no money coming in and mooch off of your girlfriend and her family for everything.

Still, I’m not in a terrible mood. After a three or four week funk of no calls or positive feedback from job searching, I now have an interview tomorrow. A place called T-konnnn (extra n’s added to confuse the googlator.). It sounds like a delightful place. Or a creature born out of sludge. T-kon. Hello, I’m T-kon the toxicology technician. Please give me your toxic waste and I’ll happily process it for you. Even if I am a long shot for this one, having an interview eases tension around the house. You know, because of the mooching and all.

I wanted to write more but feel like a…. pancake. A cold one that no one ate during breakfast and has been sitting on the counter for a few hours in the empty house. I’ll comment now though.

Shining
(Skip the ad and use high quality or don’t bother.  This is one of the best things that I have ever seen on the internet.)

Been a while since I broke out the old edit bars. I’ve been researching and just felt like adding that the company T-konnn sounds absolutely evil. Evil that’s glossed over in the dry technical promotional material on their website, but becomes apparent when I read the job description of what I’m interviewing for.

Monday, October 17, 2005 12:29 am

The moon is causing an unusual level of chaos in my little sphere of existence. If I had to pick a single day entry for the human experience hall of fame, today quite possibly, would be it. I’m psychologically burned out and empty. This year the full moon coincides with my 7th year Merle anniversary. Maybe a good day to pack up and leave. I wish I had the time and energy to convey what I want to here. Instead of just writing something quickly before bed. goodnight.

Friday, October 14, 2005 1:14 pm

Last night at a quarter to midnight, driving home from White Mountain Creamery, I engaged Merle in an argument over the big brothers/big sisters program. She believed I took the position of, those programs are meant for kids who don’t have a father/mother type around for mentoring, company and positive influence. I brought up a friend I knew that had lost his father and was in the big brother program.

2025 me here: I think part of this post is missing. And obviously the following photos will be missing too.

Last night coming back from 11:45pm ice cream, a 2 scoop, waffle bowl, Jamaican rum sundae with whipped cream and butterscotch,

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-7/1041032/GilCoreyAndMe400.JPG
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http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-7/1041032/movingTheBody500.JPG
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http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-7/1041032/ChineseGuys400.JPG
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http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-7/1041032/movingTheBody500.JPG
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http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-7/1041032/hanging500.JPG
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http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-7/1041032/graveRubbing400.JPG
My grave rubbing (taken from the fake grave in the gift shop).
—
http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-7/1041032/hawthorne350.JPG
Nathaniel Hawthorne
—
I think I want a skeleton on my tombstone too. With some weeping angels. Or maybe they’ll be plunging swords into a big elaborate dragon. And the skeleton will be hanging from the dragon’s jaws. And dangling from one of the skeleton’s arm will be a shield with my name on it.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005 5:10pm

Currently Reading
Motherless Brooklyn
By Jonathan Lethem

I’m 104 pages into this book and fucking loving it. It’s been a long while since I’ve devoured one like this. At 300 pages, it’s leaner than the Fortress of Solitude and has more rhythm and colour. A detective tale with more literary merit than the typical cheesy potboilers of the genre. (Which I secretly love and crave.) Dark and ridiculous similes, colourful insult-peppered dialogue, rainy big city nights, trench coats and cigars, gritty unshaven heroes, sexy sultry women in soft red dresses, smoky nightclubs, and over the top villains with their big blocky henchmen. Ha-ha, that was fun to write. Lethem plays with some of those themes in Motherless Brooklyn with style. I’ve never reveled in the genre but it’s always kind of been there. The Hardy Boys in the lower grades. Inspector Gadget after school, Get Smart on Nick at Nite, A brief but intense comic book phase. Then the Boneyard Man in college. Next time I go back to London, I want to see the Boneyard Man live. And I’ll have to go back sometime, unless I want to keep paying for stuff storage. Or let them auction it off. I wonder how much the owl would go for.

So, what else. Not much. Not very happy. Not living the American dream. Still career searching. I think I’ve lost two jobs due to crummy references. It’s been rainy the past few days. The 15 year old family cat follows me from room to room to sleep nearby while I work or read. I think it’s starting to make the patriarch of the family jealous.

I’ll fix my subscriptions soon. I’m not snubbing anyone, just being lazy. It’s cold in this house and I need a coffee. They don’t let me brew my Hazelnut cream anymore. I’m going to sneak some into the machine anyway.

Friday, October 07, 2005 2:21pm

Currently Listening
The Campfire Headphase
By Boards of Canada
Chromakey Dreamcoat

I read an opinion written by a psychologist that stated that there were only two fundamental questions in life, “What do I want?” and “How do I get it?”

What a remarkably simple and straightforward observation. A principle that’s so logical and easy to apply! Let me try it out right now.

What do I want?
I want to eat a piece of pie!
How do I get it?
I’ll have to go to the store with some money and buy a pie. Then I’ll bring it home and it’s pie time!

Problem solved, pie in the belly, needs satisfied, and now I’m happy and everything in the universe is wonderful.

But that first innocent looking question isn’t so simple. I don’t know what the hell I want. And even if society tells me what I should want, that doesn’t make it real. I don’t know what I’m even doing here. I’m drifting without a clue as to what I should be trying to get because I don’t have a clue as to what I want.

I just had a Peanut Toffee Cliff Bar. That was tasty. I think I want more of those.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005 3:09pm

Currently Listening
Ramones
By The Ramones
Judy Is A Punk

Dragons don’t have paws? How do you know?

What did the one you saw look like then?

Like your name is any better.

Subscriptions Sites I Read

lizamae
Kalligenia
coconutjules
LaniBanani
reyrey12
Starry_Eyed_82
doraemon08
peaceofmymind84
theminmin
Sarahndipidee
wonderplum
happyboogie
kwasham
shygirLuv
GratefulImHere
TheParkN8r

ostego_conscious
Meghantothemax