I’ve been slowly re-reading and bringing old blog entries out of private status and making them public. Just got through May 2005. Each post needs re-formatting from the old Xanga archive format. The tedium from formatting isn’t what slows me down though. It’s that I can only do so much at a time before the nostalgia and old memories become overwhelming. The new music I’m listening to isn’t helping either (MJ Lenderman – Manning Fireworks, number 4 on the Pitchfork best albums of 2024). It’s rough melodic indie alt-rock that would have been right at home in the wonderful music scene of 2005. This album definitely would have been part of my student life soundtrack had it come out then.

My wistful heart aches with pride when I’m reminded of how that kid surfed so much chaos and persevered. So much self-doubt and fear, so broke and uncertain. Yet I somehow pushed through everything with a sparkling superhuman effort and naive energy that we’re only capable of generating in our twenties. I love that I lived that life, and that it is documented here. I stand on your shoulders kid. You laid the foundation for a future I didn’t think possible. A scientist retired at 45 years old, in my pajamas at 11am on a Friday, reading and listening to music. Using my time and freedom to unapologetically retreat from the world as it burns.