The biggest differentiator between yourself in middle age and your younger self is the impact of scars and damage that twenty years of adult life inflict.

I’ve had a few traumatic shocks along the way. Out of the three that jump to mind, two were different career related setbacks, one early in my career, one at the end. Those two I can frame as character building life lessons, at least taking something positive out of the pain. The worst incident was family related. A completely unforeseen attack from my only sibling that likely irreparably destroyed our relationship and broke my parents hearts. I’m still working though the aftermath and emotional damage of that one. The people closest to you have the capacity to wound you the deepest.

I’ve always believed myself to be a resilient person. I really am, but I wonder how much these shocks have changed me. I think I am a better person for them, but carrying sadness tinged memories feels worse than the ignorant happiness that was there before. Is it worth it to be more seasoned and wise if you have to carry the scars?

The Beta Band released “The Three E.P.’s” in 1997. It’s such a smooth melancholy listen. I highly recommend. The restoration of my musicophile roots is in full swing.