My rooommate is absorbing my quirks.

On a road trip to the grocery store he bought wine for the first time. He also got some frozen Mexican food (which I eat way too much of). I warned him that he’s falling into my glamorous wine and burrito lifestyle but it didn’t seem to bother him.

welcome to a very special valentines day post live from my itouch while I wait for a burrito to cool.
Tired today. I spilled donkey serum on my pants in the lab today. So hungry

I feel so limited. I can sense the talent and comprehension that I lack.

I can’t articulate and frame what I feel and then the flavour and meaning drift away.

I’m just a caveman with better hygiene and education.

I’m so restless.

Dinner and wine are now intertwined in my mind. even if dinner is microwaved burritos with lettuce.

I said “utilitarian” yesterday and felt bad when I saw the blank look on my roommate’s face. Every conversation with him ends with, “sooooo… are we goinig to play table hockey?” …. and the answer is always yes.

I hate my class right now.

Lukewarm on my job.

Healthy, financially secure and lazy. apathetic.

I don’t have the energy to build up another Xanga network of interesting people again.

I just wish I communicated better with the people I know offline.

Writing on an iPod touch in a laundromat. It’s surprisingly easy.

If I could go back and show 1991 me what I was doing right now, he would be amazed.

Actually 12 year old me would probably first say, “I’m wearing red pants?! And green shoes? Cool.” then, “holy hell, computers got small. I hope I’ve got a sex robot too. Probably not if I’m washing my clothes at the laundromat. I wonder what game system I’ve got at home?”

Ps2 kiddo.

Swedish bedbug bite
Antibiotics downstairs
Canadian Feist

I decided to look at what people in the Born In 1979 webring were writing about.

Their children
Their marriages and divorces

Fuck me.

He doesn’t want her but he just won’t let her go.

Stars – Set Yourself On Fire is an album that I used to love in a light superficial way. Melodic, uplifting, fun, reflective indie pop. I love that they are Canadian. I love that they are low notoriety. Today I put it on after not hearing it for a long while. The lyrics were prominent over the instrumentation for maybe the first time. It felt satisfying to stumble into a soundtrack so fitting for my breakup – reflective, beautiful and sweetly sad.

Something bit me yesterday. A spider? Or a house centipede maybe. Now my supple elbow is all red and inflamed. Fluid filled.

I keep poking it.

My second, more accurate, impression of Chris.

He’s tall, probably 6″1 or so. Skinny, which emphasizes his height. Scruffy but seems not dirty. We look about the same age I suppose, although he’s 25 and I’m 28.

His previous roommate and her boyfriend told me to expect to eat lots of cookies. He doesn’t party. He hangs around the apartment a lot. He gets up super early but is done with classes just after noon.

He has a style of speaking which makes me think his cookies are occasionally filled with weed. ****** and her third grade-isms had a detrimental effect on my vocabulary but I don’t think Chris dropping his slacker-cool lingo on me is going to be an improvement.

The day I moved in he was in the kitchen making cookies. He told me he wanted to fake freak out like a drill sergeant yelling about the way it’s going to be and rules and such, but he chickened out. We talked about the apartment logistics, the neighbourhood, and then movies, video games, and cookies. He used Clerks to explain what playing Resident Evil 4 before the older versions is like.

“It’s like seeing Clerks 2 before seeing Clerks 1”
“Oh. I never saw Clerks 2.”
“REALLY!!! Oh! We have to watch that together.”
“Yeah, ok.”
“Its got elements of Mallrats. Clerks 1 is spoofed big. Randall’s character is much more developed and Jay and Silent Bob are .. you know Jay and Silent Bob.”
“And they’re colourized.”
“Yeah color. The dialogue in Clerks 1 was way overdone”
“It was pretty thick.”
“Do you like Star Wars?”
*slight pause (who doesn’t like Star Wars right?)*
“Yeah”
“We’re going to get along well!! Look what I printed out!”
“Oh! Wookie Cookies! I see.”
“They don’t have anything to do with Star Wars but they have cinnamon.”
“Wookies are cinnamon coloured.”
“Yeah they are. And look, VAMILLA! Not Vanilla!”

Followed by a hilariously awkward fridge cleaning scene.

The End.

I need to start writing again. It grounds me. It helps me focus.

Reading would help too. Those are two things I need to back into. Reading and writing.

Internet reading is not quality reading. It’s way too fragmented. Training my brain with data from this superficial flashy format has destroyed my attention span. I have trouble getting though a simple printed article now.

Post breakup. What am I going to do now?

I’m going to move into a 14 by 14 foot third floor room. It’s on the top level of an old north Cambridge house. My roommate Chris is going to be three years younger at 25. I’ve met him once. He’s a video gamer. My impression was that he’s quiet, a little insecure, and more similar to myself than most.

His roommate Eliza is moving out. The three of us had a little get to know each other conversation at the kitchen table. He asked me meekly if I liked movies, and then comedies. They must have watched movies together. It was clear he was going to miss her. It was as if he was reaching out a scared little paw to me, a complete stranger, and saying with wide eyes, “friend?” I did my best to project to him that I would be a tolerant and friendly roommate.

There’s a good sized kitchen, small bathroom and tiny little study. I thought it was a little strange that their is no common area living room type area.

I’m losing external pressure to be social. The fact that I’m worrying about this isn’t a good sign.

I’ll probably try dating sites. I’ve never really dated. I’m 28 and have had a nine year relationship. My social circle is pathetic. I need to talk to more people, I need to tell stories and laugh with friends. This maybe more than anything is why I am breaking up. With ****** I turned into a lazy little social slug. She did all the work and I got a taste for being selfish with my time. School and work as excuses.

I need to get out there for the first time. Not having a girlfriend should motivate me to do that. It better.