My boss/study director made me feel like I was “rotting” in my job.

I’m 26 and only have a Bachelors.

“What’s an undergraduate? Nothing. Right?”

I nodded unhappily.

It’s as if people with a higher degree are living richer lives. More money. More esteem. More happiness.

I’m not starving. My paltry lab tech salary puts me into the upper echelon of elitism on this planet. Entitling me to an unfairly large piece of planet earth pie. While the truly poor get crumbs.

So I’m supposed to feel miserable if I’m not on the track to more money more work more responsibility. If I have free time and time free of worry, I’m rotting? Fuck you fuck you fuck you. I’ll live my life however I want. If I want to spend seven years in undergraduate because I don’t know what form my corporate servitude is going to take yet then so be it. Sorry I didn’t have that all figured out at age 22. My mind dwells elsewhere. My mind is happy without you poking poison into it. Old man.

It’s only when we stop being afraid that we start to live. Maybe Heidi killed herself because she was afraid of what other people would think. Right now I feel no fear because I know everything is impermanent. Maybe holding this feeling is enlightenment.