Valentine’s day is almost here. I have an old dried out black rose that has been on my kitchen table for a year. I think I also have some construction paper somewhere in the storage closet. I feel like cutting out a black construction paper heart, packing it up with the crumbling dead rose and sending them to Merle.

Instead I will go pick out a heart and cupid infested red card, write as many sweet little lies as I can stomach on it. Bundle it with a gift I didn’t have time to pick out and send it off.

I’ve secretly think of her as a security blanket. We’ve been together a long time, since teenagers. She’s extroverted, I’m kind of introverted. I say “kind of” because different friends/people would have differing opinions on this.  On one of the rare occasions I went out with a trio of friends last year. One of them asked me why I was being so quiet, the other hadn’t heard me talk that much in her life.

Anyway, Merle pursued me aggressively and it felt more like I caved in than consented. I know it sounds arogant of me but it was even obvious to friends/roomate back then. They jokingly told me to stay strong and not give in when she was calling three times a day. I think I grew to love her while she burned bright and fierce for me right seemingly right away. After three years we went long distance. It was actually good for us. She went to school in Buffalo to get her masters in education, I stayed here in London to convert my Biology degree into Bioinformatics. We had cohabited the previous two years and things were explosive. She wanted more of me and I wanted less of her.

Bought return of the native at the book store. Merle sent me Catch 22. Need something to read at night. Insomnia hit on each day off.