I am consistently forgetting to drink some liquor daily. I read a study a few weeks ago about how one drink eliminated oxidation or something like that and it had positive health implications for heart disease and stroke, cancer etc. Unfortunately three drinks make you pro-oxidant, which is bad apparently. I guess two is normalcy? I also feel so pathetically sluggish when I don’t drink coffee.

I’m pulling back on Xanga. Less posts, less comments. Better posts. I want people to look forward to my updates.

I have a steel ring I like to wear on either pinky finger. It cost less than ten dollars but I enjoy it much more than I would a pricey one. It gives me much tactile pleasure. I love the way the smooth inside curve feels as I rotate it around my finger, or slide it gently up and down the tips of each finger. I sometimes take it off and absentmindedly spin it between my thumb and index finger, watching the light reflect bent morphing images of myself and the room. I like to roll it along the surface of my wooden desk and watch it go like an escaped hamster wheel. I like the sound it makes after colliding with a ceramic mug or cement wall. I love the little clink it makes when I let it drop onto things after an exaggerated yawn.

Why don’t I study or work on assignments while I am here at work? Possible Answers:
(1) I am not allowed to listen to music
(2) I can’t wear my glasses
(3) I can’t dress comfortably
(4) I hate working with the stuff I am supposed to be learning
(5) I would rather be writing a novel

If I was to write a novel, what would it be? Fantasy? Skewed life? Science Fiction? Horror? MAybe I should work on getting published. An article somewhere. Something expressing the limbo and anxiety I’m feeling. The way society is grinding me down, pushing me into a system I don’t believe in, telling me if I don’t fit in and generate money I’ll be a failure.