Desperation time. I need gift ideas! I’ve got only one and have eleven more to buy. Any suggestions are most welcome. I have the most trouble with females.

(true in more ways than one). Mom, sister, co-worker (Hooray for getting presents from people I wasn’t expecting to exchange with!), gf. Help! Did you get anybody gifts you were proud of? What was it? All I’ve bought so far is an ugly sweater at the campus bookstore.  I see no humour in this. Where can I get a grabbo arm or tony stony?

I have a caffeine withdrawal headache. A little knot of tension and throbbing in my left side frontal lobe. More subtle and tolerable than the global pulsing pain I was getting last week originating from my tooth. Much less severe than a migraine, just a little irritant reminding me of my java dependence. I was so sluggish today too. I accomplished nothing. Flat out nothing.

Holiday panic is starting to creep up. I’ll be at the mall tomorrow partaking in the orgy. Throwing elbows and spacing out under that sickening artificial fluorescent retail light. Christmas fucking cards, parcel pickup, cleaning, groceries. What really makes things fun is that I have no car. Maybe I need to get back into exam mentality instead of the relaxing I thought the holidays were supposed to be about.

I hate when affluence is rubbed in my face. Just talked to an investment manager who spent the last two weeks in the Bahamas at a five star resort and in Spain living it up. Describing the opulence to me in gory detail. Doesn’t he realize I make absolutely nothing? That I could live for months off of what he spent on the bullet trains last week. So irritating. I’m cutting this rant short because it makes me feel pathetic.

I brought no food to work either because I was running late. I hate taking the fucking bus to work in the middle of winter too. It wasn’t so bad tonight though because the guys who were standing next to me at the stop had Mary Jane with them. Anyway, I thought I would have to fast tonight but the staff here receives gifts from the residents and, lucky me, I had a tin gift of what presumably contained butter cookies. Yippee! cause I was starving. I took it to the kitchen, salivating at the thought of devouring 20 to 30 cookies hungrily and immediately. I opened it and MOTHERFUCKER it wasn’t cookies. It was a goddamn fucking fruitcake. I was so hungry though, I tried eating it. It is sweet but all rubbery and weird. With every little hesitant chew, I kept trying to figure out exactly what I thought of each little taste and texture. I didn’t get through the first piece, I just decided to pick off all the glistening walnuts from the top and toss the rest of it down the garbage chute. I would probably feel guilty about that if I considered it edible. It was made by the Shriners so maybe it helped to buy one of those stupid hats. Ho ho ho.